God rocks! He desires to all things for His glory and our good!
so i was to meet a friend from college for dinner last night and to just caught up -- we live so close to each other - but we never see each other. after the time of fellowship, i ventured to krispy kreme to check my schedule for the week -- through sharing what was going on with me -- as i shared, one of the girls working began to ask alot of questions -- we talked and wow. . . what followed was most definently a God moment which I took. as i shared my struggles over the past week, she too began to share not just about her week, but about her life -- and with in minutes standing by the processing area she unloaded a year's worth of pain -- everything from rape to family problems related to her dad -- man, the whole time i was praying for God to give me the words -- and He did! i will not go in to details on our conversation -- but this i will share. . . the gospel was proclaimed! i was able to share why i wasn't mad or angry and why i was dealing with things as i was -- my answer: Christ in me, Jesus, the Hope of Glory! as i shared i found out her background -- she comes from a catholic background and her uncle is actually a preist. she has an understanding but lacks true understanding -- we moved from the processing area to the line where i helped to box dounuts and continue to talk with her -- what freedom i felt to share openly my faith in a non-Christian place -- it was exciting! and it didn't stop with her -- i was able to share with several of the folks last night -- i wasn't able to go into as much detail, but i was able to drop bits of the gospel through my testimony of the recent events of my life -- man, how refreshing to be really living ministry and not just doing.
if my whole reason for being at krispy kreme is to share with those folks -- it's worth letting go and moving on!
to God be the glory, great things he hath done!
Tuesday, October 31, 2006
Sunday, October 29, 2006
standing on the promises
so i had to work tonight at the mission - had a group come in to help with dinner - i decided to stay for chapel - one of the songs we sang tonight was standing on the promises. . .i've not been doing that as of late.
the frame-work of what i've believed has been shaken. i've questioned everything from my forgiveness to my worthiness to my salvation. a wise person in my life reminded me that's what satan wants . . . he wants my focus to be on me and not fixed on the author and finisher of my faith. maybe i am in denial as someone recently expressed to me. . . but if i am. . . i'm doing a good job. . . as i've read through my journals for the past few years, i've noticed a pattern and theme. . . when i accepted the forgiveness given to me years back, i walked and lived in freedom - a newiness of spirit and heart. i saw a passion to know God so much more than i had prior. my hunger to read and know His Word was and is incrediable. i never get tired of eating and chewing the Word. i saw a spiritual disernment like i never had prior. but more importantly. . . i had joy!
because i can be somewhat vage in my postings - i can see where i've given the impression that i'm "crying out for help" - that's true to a point. . . in letting go of the control and passing off the power of my roles so to speak. i realized something, if i were going to loss it - it would have been in aug. in my mom's life hung in the balance of death and my family junk came smacking me in the face. but i didn't - even though i posted i wanted to run. . . i did. . . i ran to my Father in the form of seeking those prayer warriors who could help carry my burden - i realized i couldn't handle things on my own - so i didn't even try - asked God's people to interceed for me cuz i couldn't pray for myself. my spirit controlled me not my flesh.
have i done a good job of letting the spirit control me since then - i would be lying if i said yes - but my heart desires to submit and surrender - that's my struggle to daily let God have more and more of me. i have made many mistakes and poor choices in my walk - but one thing i've never doubted was God's hand in my life -- i've walked away and did my own thing - i've played the fence hopping game - i've wore many masks all in the name of looking good. and i've tried to be transparent in the name of being in community. i was reminded today by my pastor that there are some instances where community is only ment for your local body -- maybe that was my problem. i tried to seek community where it didn't really belong - work is work and family is family - maybe they need to be left in those boxes.
i have felt God's presence and i've heard him physically speak to me. . . on the flip side, when i've been a prodical. . . . and i knew it -- God's spirit caused unrest and a block in my time with Him in anyway shape or form. i've felt the stirring of un-easiness when i've not right with God and i try to worship in any way - some times it actually hurts. but i feel i have also experienced at various times God's restoration -- those times when i've come running and fell down and said i'm sorry or thank you or not say anything but be quite and still. i've experienced an overwhelming sense of humblness, graditude, and love when i'm forgiven or walking in the spirit.
i've known what it's been like to resist God's correction and i've known what's it's like to feel His arms of comfort in the middle of the storm - at no time have i've been so far away that i didn't think God could pull me back. . . cuz God never gives up on me - man may but God doesn't.
this weekend i've had to wrestle with my motives, my desires, my flesh. . . and again after reading my journals i see a pattern -- i was holding on to something because in a small - yet deadly way it had become an idol to me - this break through came through listening to a kid's radio show called "Down Gilead Lane" - how much am i willing to give up inorder to serve God to walk in obedience? my answer: even this. in a weird way i don't see this closing door as a grieving thing -- i can now seek thing that i've not had time for --
yes, i may have been wrong in how i handled things 4 years ago or even since -- but would change them. . . i would lying if i said 100% no - i wouldn't have gone to the extremes i did . . . yet these events have helped to shape my tenderness towards God in so many -- sometimes you can't understand Grace fully until you've lived it fully. many times in the quiteness of my apartment or my shower or my car when it's just me and God either in large group setting or when i'm alone - i feel like the women who washed Jesus' feet with her tears and wipe them with her hair -- he responded to the critisim with - she has been forgiven much so she loves much - my paraphrase.
i guess i just need to rethink my idea of church and being real with those in my life -- i don't habor any ill will -- i just think we are seeing the same situation through different, shaded lenses. i wasn't confessing because of getting caught or because i hadn't allowed God to deal with me first or because I wasn't dealing with it period. . . in my mind i was just sharing more of who i was and what has shaped me.
my prayer is that i can and will be humble, teachable, and willing to take the critisism even at the risk of my own feelings -- i don't need to defend myself -- God is my defender -- He knows my heart -- so i will end this post with the same way i started it -- i'm seeking to stand on the promises of Christ my King, through eternal ages let His praises ring. . . if God is for me, who can be against me? ICorn. 10:13
the frame-work of what i've believed has been shaken. i've questioned everything from my forgiveness to my worthiness to my salvation. a wise person in my life reminded me that's what satan wants . . . he wants my focus to be on me and not fixed on the author and finisher of my faith. maybe i am in denial as someone recently expressed to me. . . but if i am. . . i'm doing a good job. . . as i've read through my journals for the past few years, i've noticed a pattern and theme. . . when i accepted the forgiveness given to me years back, i walked and lived in freedom - a newiness of spirit and heart. i saw a passion to know God so much more than i had prior. my hunger to read and know His Word was and is incrediable. i never get tired of eating and chewing the Word. i saw a spiritual disernment like i never had prior. but more importantly. . . i had joy!
because i can be somewhat vage in my postings - i can see where i've given the impression that i'm "crying out for help" - that's true to a point. . . in letting go of the control and passing off the power of my roles so to speak. i realized something, if i were going to loss it - it would have been in aug. in my mom's life hung in the balance of death and my family junk came smacking me in the face. but i didn't - even though i posted i wanted to run. . . i did. . . i ran to my Father in the form of seeking those prayer warriors who could help carry my burden - i realized i couldn't handle things on my own - so i didn't even try - asked God's people to interceed for me cuz i couldn't pray for myself. my spirit controlled me not my flesh.
have i done a good job of letting the spirit control me since then - i would be lying if i said yes - but my heart desires to submit and surrender - that's my struggle to daily let God have more and more of me. i have made many mistakes and poor choices in my walk - but one thing i've never doubted was God's hand in my life -- i've walked away and did my own thing - i've played the fence hopping game - i've wore many masks all in the name of looking good. and i've tried to be transparent in the name of being in community. i was reminded today by my pastor that there are some instances where community is only ment for your local body -- maybe that was my problem. i tried to seek community where it didn't really belong - work is work and family is family - maybe they need to be left in those boxes.
i have felt God's presence and i've heard him physically speak to me. . . on the flip side, when i've been a prodical. . . . and i knew it -- God's spirit caused unrest and a block in my time with Him in anyway shape or form. i've felt the stirring of un-easiness when i've not right with God and i try to worship in any way - some times it actually hurts. but i feel i have also experienced at various times God's restoration -- those times when i've come running and fell down and said i'm sorry or thank you or not say anything but be quite and still. i've experienced an overwhelming sense of humblness, graditude, and love when i'm forgiven or walking in the spirit.
i've known what it's been like to resist God's correction and i've known what's it's like to feel His arms of comfort in the middle of the storm - at no time have i've been so far away that i didn't think God could pull me back. . . cuz God never gives up on me - man may but God doesn't.
this weekend i've had to wrestle with my motives, my desires, my flesh. . . and again after reading my journals i see a pattern -- i was holding on to something because in a small - yet deadly way it had become an idol to me - this break through came through listening to a kid's radio show called "Down Gilead Lane" - how much am i willing to give up inorder to serve God to walk in obedience? my answer: even this. in a weird way i don't see this closing door as a grieving thing -- i can now seek thing that i've not had time for --
yes, i may have been wrong in how i handled things 4 years ago or even since -- but would change them. . . i would lying if i said 100% no - i wouldn't have gone to the extremes i did . . . yet these events have helped to shape my tenderness towards God in so many -- sometimes you can't understand Grace fully until you've lived it fully. many times in the quiteness of my apartment or my shower or my car when it's just me and God either in large group setting or when i'm alone - i feel like the women who washed Jesus' feet with her tears and wipe them with her hair -- he responded to the critisim with - she has been forgiven much so she loves much - my paraphrase.
i guess i just need to rethink my idea of church and being real with those in my life -- i don't habor any ill will -- i just think we are seeing the same situation through different, shaded lenses. i wasn't confessing because of getting caught or because i hadn't allowed God to deal with me first or because I wasn't dealing with it period. . . in my mind i was just sharing more of who i was and what has shaped me.
my prayer is that i can and will be humble, teachable, and willing to take the critisism even at the risk of my own feelings -- i don't need to defend myself -- God is my defender -- He knows my heart -- so i will end this post with the same way i started it -- i'm seeking to stand on the promises of Christ my King, through eternal ages let His praises ring. . . if God is for me, who can be against me? ICorn. 10:13
i decide to check the local newpaper online from my home town and what do i see. . . Glendale's in the playoffs! for the first time in. . . well. . . i can't count that high - Glendale will be having a parade and pep rally - for the football team of all things! the last pep rally i've heard of at glendale was when i was in highschool and glendale's softball team went to states.
boy i want to go home and caught the viking spirit - but thanksgiving baskets call my name.
boy i want to go home and caught the viking spirit - but thanksgiving baskets call my name.
Friday, October 27, 2006
so i take some time out of my retreat with with God to attend a funeral -- who ever heard of a funeral at 7pm on a friday night? - well, this was a first for me -- we weren't thinking there was going to be a lunchon - but oh yes there was -- at 8pm we were serving almost a full course meal - i'm back at office, i let the desk know i'm here and head back to my side of the building -- i go outside to get my stuff and what do i see - for the first time since working at the mission. . . there is a man hanging out the passenger's side car door.
my first reaction -- what the crap?! - i pulled the guy out of my car and asked what he was doing in my car -- probably not the smartest thing to do - but it seemed natural. i recoginized his face - he's been here many time for meals and i could smell that he'd been drinking.
he was oh so apologizing all over the place -- i led him to the front desk door to see who he was and what the staff on duty knew about him -- i found out -- i was told it was my call on whether to call the police or not -- after talking to this guy for a bit, i realized just how blessed we are here. i'm here all hours day and night and at no time ever i felt in danger -- God's peace and protection rests on this place. it's interesting, by his own admission, he's never stayed here - we confirmed that - but he's a regular at meals - he says he's homeless yet he get's an income - oh the folks we serve -- praise God for His grace.
do i feel unsafe now ? no -- but i did make sure my car was locked before i came back in. he said he was looking for change - he wouldn't have found any -- clothes, thanksgiving basket stuff, books, and other things associated with my life -- but no change - only toll 60 sees my change - but wait - i can go ez-pass if i want - what i want is that 16 miles of road to be free just like the other 30-40 miles of it.
may my weekend be filled with the sights and sounds of my Savior.
my first reaction -- what the crap?! - i pulled the guy out of my car and asked what he was doing in my car -- probably not the smartest thing to do - but it seemed natural. i recoginized his face - he's been here many time for meals and i could smell that he'd been drinking.
he was oh so apologizing all over the place -- i led him to the front desk door to see who he was and what the staff on duty knew about him -- i found out -- i was told it was my call on whether to call the police or not -- after talking to this guy for a bit, i realized just how blessed we are here. i'm here all hours day and night and at no time ever i felt in danger -- God's peace and protection rests on this place. it's interesting, by his own admission, he's never stayed here - we confirmed that - but he's a regular at meals - he says he's homeless yet he get's an income - oh the folks we serve -- praise God for His grace.
do i feel unsafe now ? no -- but i did make sure my car was locked before i came back in. he said he was looking for change - he wouldn't have found any -- clothes, thanksgiving basket stuff, books, and other things associated with my life -- but no change - only toll 60 sees my change - but wait - i can go ez-pass if i want - what i want is that 16 miles of road to be free just like the other 30-40 miles of it.
may my weekend be filled with the sights and sounds of my Savior.
Sunday, October 22, 2006
Friday, October 20, 2006
i passed. . . the drug test that is. it's the only thing this week that i've done well on -- apparently kevin has decided that we all need current drug tests - or in my case - my first one since working for passvant -- so for one of the few time in my life, my big mouth was good thing - the mouth swob didn't even tickle -- i'm good to go - but not really
Thursday, October 19, 2006
human relationships are so complicated -- why? why is that the same thing God created us for is one of the hardest things to work through -- God created us to be in relationships of many kinds but why at times those same relationships the ones that seem the most impossible to navigate through. i can drive through crappy snow storms, rain that keeps coming and coming, i can work in a building that every time it rains the bathrooms are un-usable but human relationships are something that i want to run from right now.
assumptions made about me but no questions to me. . . what the crap -- i'm tired of having to justify myself to you -- when it's not you i need to be justified to - it's my Savior. i know you want what's best for me -- so do i and frankly - i'm more mature this time around -- i'm not a kid this time around -- i've learned from my mistakes.
and you over there -- you say i'm not being fair. . . i'm asking you to do something that you can't -- no, not can't don't want to. . now who's being fair? the same human relationships that keep telling me i need to let things go are the same human relationships adding to my plate - and no one is listening to me and what i'm being told by God -- i feel left to make the decisions on my own -- the support is not there -- no, that's not right -- the support is coming from the one human relationship i am not desiring to run from -- actually i ran to them -- they never tell me what i want to hear - they lead me to the Word - they love on me and tell me i'm okay.
i want to run - i don't need this -- i didn't agree to this -- but God deserves my best not my almost best -- and running would be disobedient - yet no matter what i do i'm still walking in partial obedience - which according to c. stanely in the book confronting caual christianity - is still disobedience. i can't and will not step through doors that are not mine anymore -- yet i can't just run away - i need to be a steward of that which God has given me - yet the options are not good in either directions.
it has taken me such a long time to admit and ask for help - but now. . . when i'm yelling. . . no one is listening. . . again, the same human relationships that have yelled at me for years is now turning deaf. yet i can't give up on making my needs known -- cuz someone is listening -- and that's my heavenly father - who pleads with me to make my requests known - and that i have. i'm waiting for the peace. . .His peace to run in and guard my heart and my mind in Christ Jesus.
in the end, i will not run from those human relationships in my life. i must love and serve and support because that's what's honoring to my Father -- even through you think i'm an immoral mess who's teetering on the verge of nonethingness -- my Father knows me better -- i am seeking His holiness -- it's going to look different for me than you -- but that's how our God works -- very individual. that decision is not consuming my mind and life -- and from the beginning i made it clear the time table was not set -- but after ms. lila's comment, i owed it to God to ask some questions -- and i some clarity - but not totally thus, i'm not stepping without certainity -- no matter how much of a girl i am -- i'm surrendered to God first, and being a girl last. you asked for accountablity -- i honored that -- i agreed with it - it's there -- now please allow my relationship with her to be what God uses to keep me humbled here. she asks me point blank questions and will not take shug offs as answers -- oh, wait that's another support i am running towards -- but it's not all her job either.
at the end of the day what matters most to me is how faithful i've been, how out of control i've been and how in control He has been in my life, and how my life is honoring Him -- i would like to say that's all that matters -- and really it is - but you and you over there matter to me to and i don't want to hurt you over there and i don't want to keep my guard up i want to trust you but how can i when i'm always feeling like what i say doesn't matter you already have your ideas in place about me?
"seek first His kigdom and His righteousness. . ." that's my prayer!
assumptions made about me but no questions to me. . . what the crap -- i'm tired of having to justify myself to you -- when it's not you i need to be justified to - it's my Savior. i know you want what's best for me -- so do i and frankly - i'm more mature this time around -- i'm not a kid this time around -- i've learned from my mistakes.
and you over there -- you say i'm not being fair. . . i'm asking you to do something that you can't -- no, not can't don't want to. . now who's being fair? the same human relationships that keep telling me i need to let things go are the same human relationships adding to my plate - and no one is listening to me and what i'm being told by God -- i feel left to make the decisions on my own -- the support is not there -- no, that's not right -- the support is coming from the one human relationship i am not desiring to run from -- actually i ran to them -- they never tell me what i want to hear - they lead me to the Word - they love on me and tell me i'm okay.
i want to run - i don't need this -- i didn't agree to this -- but God deserves my best not my almost best -- and running would be disobedient - yet no matter what i do i'm still walking in partial obedience - which according to c. stanely in the book confronting caual christianity - is still disobedience. i can't and will not step through doors that are not mine anymore -- yet i can't just run away - i need to be a steward of that which God has given me - yet the options are not good in either directions.
it has taken me such a long time to admit and ask for help - but now. . . when i'm yelling. . . no one is listening. . . again, the same human relationships that have yelled at me for years is now turning deaf. yet i can't give up on making my needs known -- cuz someone is listening -- and that's my heavenly father - who pleads with me to make my requests known - and that i have. i'm waiting for the peace. . .His peace to run in and guard my heart and my mind in Christ Jesus.
in the end, i will not run from those human relationships in my life. i must love and serve and support because that's what's honoring to my Father -- even through you think i'm an immoral mess who's teetering on the verge of nonethingness -- my Father knows me better -- i am seeking His holiness -- it's going to look different for me than you -- but that's how our God works -- very individual. that decision is not consuming my mind and life -- and from the beginning i made it clear the time table was not set -- but after ms. lila's comment, i owed it to God to ask some questions -- and i some clarity - but not totally thus, i'm not stepping without certainity -- no matter how much of a girl i am -- i'm surrendered to God first, and being a girl last. you asked for accountablity -- i honored that -- i agreed with it - it's there -- now please allow my relationship with her to be what God uses to keep me humbled here. she asks me point blank questions and will not take shug offs as answers -- oh, wait that's another support i am running towards -- but it's not all her job either.
at the end of the day what matters most to me is how faithful i've been, how out of control i've been and how in control He has been in my life, and how my life is honoring Him -- i would like to say that's all that matters -- and really it is - but you and you over there matter to me to and i don't want to hurt you over there and i don't want to keep my guard up i want to trust you but how can i when i'm always feeling like what i say doesn't matter you already have your ideas in place about me?
"seek first His kigdom and His righteousness. . ." that's my prayer!
Thursday, October 12, 2006
shhhhh. . .i'm trying to study!
so i have not one hour to kill before i have to be back at the center for hope doing fun little thanksgiving basket stuff. i pondered what i could do for 2 hours that wouldn't require me to travel back to my end of beaver county. . . i thought i would go into rochester to the public library and hang out - but wait!
there is trinity school of ministry right here in ambridge - why don't i venture there - were my thoughts as i was driving down merchant st. - so, i fumbled around the one-way streets until alas i found it!
it's a rather small yet scholarly campus -- i found my way to the cubby hole they call a book store - looked around for a few books that i may need for my own class - what the heck! it is a seminary after all - they've got to have some of my baptist books. . . ? well . . . not so fast - i found several of the books dr. payne references in lectures but none that i actually need or should have read. however, the sweet little lady behind the desk is too nice - she searched and found two of my book that she can order and to boot she's giving me 20% off since i am seminary student connected to geneva - it pays to name drop!
and i called a student who is going to check out the other two books i need -- stink'n cool - so, by monday i will have one of the two books read that i need to have read inorder to write my paper due soon - somethings never change -- i had very good intentions to get the books on halfprice.com but when i finally got around to ordering them - they were out of stock - so, my race to save money didn't work -- but i am saving something 20% that is -- next semester i'm going to have to get into gear and get the books earlier. but for now i'm going to just have to kick my butt and read - read - read my little eyes out!
okay - speaking of reading i'm going to go sit on this fun little sofa and read my alvin reid book that techincially was due back to southern last week - only a few weeks late -- it's better than the sweet home alabama video in my office! - or i can sleep. . . sleep or reading - not sure . . . what do you think?!! - hopefully my alarm on vibrate will wake me up in order to back at the center by 5:30pm
francie
there is trinity school of ministry right here in ambridge - why don't i venture there - were my thoughts as i was driving down merchant st. - so, i fumbled around the one-way streets until alas i found it!
it's a rather small yet scholarly campus -- i found my way to the cubby hole they call a book store - looked around for a few books that i may need for my own class - what the heck! it is a seminary after all - they've got to have some of my baptist books. . . ? well . . . not so fast - i found several of the books dr. payne references in lectures but none that i actually need or should have read. however, the sweet little lady behind the desk is too nice - she searched and found two of my book that she can order and to boot she's giving me 20% off since i am seminary student connected to geneva - it pays to name drop!
and i called a student who is going to check out the other two books i need -- stink'n cool - so, by monday i will have one of the two books read that i need to have read inorder to write my paper due soon - somethings never change -- i had very good intentions to get the books on halfprice.com but when i finally got around to ordering them - they were out of stock - so, my race to save money didn't work -- but i am saving something 20% that is -- next semester i'm going to have to get into gear and get the books earlier. but for now i'm going to just have to kick my butt and read - read - read my little eyes out!
okay - speaking of reading i'm going to go sit on this fun little sofa and read my alvin reid book that techincially was due back to southern last week - only a few weeks late -- it's better than the sweet home alabama video in my office! - or i can sleep. . . sleep or reading - not sure . . . what do you think?!! - hopefully my alarm on vibrate will wake me up in order to back at the center by 5:30pm
francie
Sunday, October 08, 2006
glory days - oh their pass you by -- words from bruce springstein
so i'm not usually this school spirited -- but until now those of us who attended crappy glendale jr/sr. high never really had anything to have school spirit over. but now -- the football team has finally figured out what it takes to win a game and better yet to have a above .500 record. much to my surpise, a month ago i was reading the altoona mirror - the local paper from home - on line -- and to my surprise i read that my fair highschool football team had beaten a team that we never beat - and even more suprising was that glendale had a winning record - the first in over 2o years - yes, you read right - 20 years.i'm posting fun pictures of my school cuz the district's website doesn't have our fun masgot on it - we are the glendale vikings! - and yes, i say we - cuz finally i can be a fun little cheerleader for my school -- as i've kept up with the team, i have cheered in my own little way from my office over beating rival school, mo-valley - again a team we hadn't beaten in a very long time. and just two nights ago, we won our homecoming over northern bedford - who according to the altoona mirror, we haven't beaten since the early 80's - i don't know what the new coaches have put in their water bottles but i sure like it!
it's got to be ironic for the coaches of old - they are all still teachers and funny things - the princple and assistant principle of the highschool - but to see their student's kids get the job done has to be interesting - and actually one of the key players is the principle's son - who while he was a coach was just a baby - running around in a lil viking jersey and all - how cute! - yet it didn't help the cause - but now - he's making his mark.
okay - all of this to say - way to go glendale - finally i have something to be proud of in regard to my highschool!
by the way - blue and gold are our school colors!
Friday, October 06, 2006
praying with power
for one who meets alot with my students and my staff, i hate meetings -- especially when they don't start on time. that's what happened to me today -- i was to have a thanksgiving basket meeting at 10am - which didn't start on time -- followed by a development meeting - which didn't start on time either.
i found myself just sitting in the conference room waiting. . . but a few things happened - i was able to enter in a fun conversation with chuck, our program/aftercare director, about the heart - our motives and such - it started cause he asked me if i had seen greg - a former client in the men's recovery program who now works as a maintance guy at a rescue mission in wv - i said yes - we talked for a bit about greg and where he was and this with God -- we talked about the desire to run when things get hard over walking in faith and obedience -- wow! i'm not too different from the guys we serve -- but when it come down to it - it's a battle for the heart -- where my heart is, my treasure will be also!
and then kevin came in and our development meet was about to begin - but like any good little christian group of folks - we can't start a meeting without prayer - but this time - kevin's prayer was like none other i've heard him pray before any other staff or committee meeting -- he prayed that we, the staff, the clients, the officals in power - locally and nationally - would all remember and know that God is King and God is soverign - Wow!!! - he prayed with such passion/power, and excitement -- i could tell He had been with Jesus - he was changed -- even though money is tight and kevin is a bit paniced - i noticed something today in his demeanor -- He wasn't stressed - his prayer showed me he was really, allowing his heart to win - his heart to control his mind - his heart was focused on God's heart - he desires to see lost people come to know His Savior - he desires men, women, and families to be reconciled first with God and second with man - he desires to see lives transformed, but mostly he desires to see God's kingdom come and His glory be known to all. that excited me as one under his leadership -- my leader, my boss's focus is right where it needs to be - and i praise God for that - cuz all things will fall into place -- God will honor the desires of His people as long as our desires are His - as long as we are saying "not my will, but yours"
i'm proud to be a part of the mission family to see the greg's, joe's, kurts, randy's and so many others come to understand and embrace whole heartly that which gives me abudent life -- My Savior, My God!
i found myself just sitting in the conference room waiting. . . but a few things happened - i was able to enter in a fun conversation with chuck, our program/aftercare director, about the heart - our motives and such - it started cause he asked me if i had seen greg - a former client in the men's recovery program who now works as a maintance guy at a rescue mission in wv - i said yes - we talked for a bit about greg and where he was and this with God -- we talked about the desire to run when things get hard over walking in faith and obedience -- wow! i'm not too different from the guys we serve -- but when it come down to it - it's a battle for the heart -- where my heart is, my treasure will be also!
and then kevin came in and our development meet was about to begin - but like any good little christian group of folks - we can't start a meeting without prayer - but this time - kevin's prayer was like none other i've heard him pray before any other staff or committee meeting -- he prayed that we, the staff, the clients, the officals in power - locally and nationally - would all remember and know that God is King and God is soverign - Wow!!! - he prayed with such passion/power, and excitement -- i could tell He had been with Jesus - he was changed -- even though money is tight and kevin is a bit paniced - i noticed something today in his demeanor -- He wasn't stressed - his prayer showed me he was really, allowing his heart to win - his heart to control his mind - his heart was focused on God's heart - he desires to see lost people come to know His Savior - he desires men, women, and families to be reconciled first with God and second with man - he desires to see lives transformed, but mostly he desires to see God's kingdom come and His glory be known to all. that excited me as one under his leadership -- my leader, my boss's focus is right where it needs to be - and i praise God for that - cuz all things will fall into place -- God will honor the desires of His people as long as our desires are His - as long as we are saying "not my will, but yours"
i'm proud to be a part of the mission family to see the greg's, joe's, kurts, randy's and so many others come to understand and embrace whole heartly that which gives me abudent life -- My Savior, My God!
Thursday, October 05, 2006
she peed again!
okay why is it that my friend's dog, abbey, loves to pee on me?!
so i go over to my friend dee's house tonight to just hang with her - she's had just about as much drama this month as i've had - to shorten the drama, her house was flooded when her water softener system broke and many,many, gallons of water poured out into her house - and to make matters worse - her husband drives truck and is gone throughout most of the week - she had to deal with it her self and she has two kids in school
but i just went over to try and encourage her - she called me right in the middle of my drama and i just couldn't make time for her -
so i walk in and abbey is jumping around - she just came in from being outside right before i walked in - she came over to me jumped up on my lap and turned over and just as i was about to say. . . "abbey don't pee. . ." she started to pee all over my knee and the newspaper - what the crap!!!
dee made the comment that it's because she's excited to see me - she misses me - i haven't beena around much lately -- well . .. that's true and it got me thinking on my way home - if a dog can be that excited that she pees - what about God -- just how excited does He get when He sees me - and more importantly - howe excited should I get when I'm in His presence - i'm not saying I need to pee - but do i get that pumped that i could loss control and just ooze love all over for Him?
i know this post is a bit weird - but as a wise person at ridegecrest said -"ya ooze what ya are" what's in me tonight? - i so miss that excitement for my God -- i need to get back to that -- what about you?
okay - just a few of the thoughts that's been running in my head tonight
need to go and catch up on homework and lectures and er!
so i go over to my friend dee's house tonight to just hang with her - she's had just about as much drama this month as i've had - to shorten the drama, her house was flooded when her water softener system broke and many,many, gallons of water poured out into her house - and to make matters worse - her husband drives truck and is gone throughout most of the week - she had to deal with it her self and she has two kids in school
but i just went over to try and encourage her - she called me right in the middle of my drama and i just couldn't make time for her -
so i walk in and abbey is jumping around - she just came in from being outside right before i walked in - she came over to me jumped up on my lap and turned over and just as i was about to say. . . "abbey don't pee. . ." she started to pee all over my knee and the newspaper - what the crap!!!
dee made the comment that it's because she's excited to see me - she misses me - i haven't beena around much lately -- well . .. that's true and it got me thinking on my way home - if a dog can be that excited that she pees - what about God -- just how excited does He get when He sees me - and more importantly - howe excited should I get when I'm in His presence - i'm not saying I need to pee - but do i get that pumped that i could loss control and just ooze love all over for Him?
i know this post is a bit weird - but as a wise person at ridegecrest said -"ya ooze what ya are" what's in me tonight? - i so miss that excitement for my God -- i need to get back to that -- what about you?
okay - just a few of the thoughts that's been running in my head tonight
need to go and catch up on homework and lectures and er!
Wednesday, October 04, 2006
things i've realized today
so i learned something about myself today. . . i'm not all that bad. . .
i've been "saling myself short" on a few areas - mostly on my abitlites to handle the current drama in my campus min. life -- i have felt like a the worst director in the world in the since that i am going along with things so to speak and i'm asking what seems to be conflicting questions - but a wise person told me today that he's proud of me - not that i try to please anyone but my God - however, from him this ment alot - he has seen me grow in my leadership both in spiritual maturity and emotional as well - i was just a kid when i started out on this journey - but now - i'm an old fart and he trusted God to take a chance on me - and for that i'm greatful.
i realized today that yes, i am being objective - yes, i am doing what is right and i'm being fair. i realized today my own growth -- i'm not the same as i was a month ago or a year ago for that i'm humbled and stand in awe that the creator of the heavens and earth would see fit to transform me - to round out my edges - to Him belongs all praise and glory!
i realized today just why some things are as hard as they are -- the role i see myself in is more than a supervisor - i guess i just care too much sometimes - i guess that's one of my strengths yet most of the time it's a weakness - my caring too much usually leads to me trying to control - or what comes across as opposition when really it's just trying to assist the person avoid pain and hurt - but i know in my mind i can't stop either of those - but what i can do is be a listening ear - a shoulder to cry on - maybe that's what's needed more than anything - people need to know i love them before i can speak into lives with correction.
i realized today just how tired i am -- i've never wimpered and cried like i did today -- boy i was an only child -- i just need my mom - i just need to go home - but home isn't there anymore - i need to thoughts of what was and not what is - i need to just crawl up beside my mommy and lay on her and allow her to tell me everything is going to be alright
i realized today how much kevin trusts me and realizes how capable i am at doing my job -- i've never been in a meeting with him in this manner - it was good but weird - i enjoyed just hanging with him and hearing more of his heart for what we do at the mission -- sometimes i don't see that - sometimes all i see is the tornado of kevin and not the heart - that was refreshing
but mostly - of all the things i realized today - i realized just how much my Father loves me today -- he opened up His arms and loved me in many, many ways - He never ceases to amaze me.
i've been "saling myself short" on a few areas - mostly on my abitlites to handle the current drama in my campus min. life -- i have felt like a the worst director in the world in the since that i am going along with things so to speak and i'm asking what seems to be conflicting questions - but a wise person told me today that he's proud of me - not that i try to please anyone but my God - however, from him this ment alot - he has seen me grow in my leadership both in spiritual maturity and emotional as well - i was just a kid when i started out on this journey - but now - i'm an old fart and he trusted God to take a chance on me - and for that i'm greatful.
i realized today that yes, i am being objective - yes, i am doing what is right and i'm being fair. i realized today my own growth -- i'm not the same as i was a month ago or a year ago for that i'm humbled and stand in awe that the creator of the heavens and earth would see fit to transform me - to round out my edges - to Him belongs all praise and glory!
i realized today just why some things are as hard as they are -- the role i see myself in is more than a supervisor - i guess i just care too much sometimes - i guess that's one of my strengths yet most of the time it's a weakness - my caring too much usually leads to me trying to control - or what comes across as opposition when really it's just trying to assist the person avoid pain and hurt - but i know in my mind i can't stop either of those - but what i can do is be a listening ear - a shoulder to cry on - maybe that's what's needed more than anything - people need to know i love them before i can speak into lives with correction.
i realized today just how tired i am -- i've never wimpered and cried like i did today -- boy i was an only child -- i just need my mom - i just need to go home - but home isn't there anymore - i need to thoughts of what was and not what is - i need to just crawl up beside my mommy and lay on her and allow her to tell me everything is going to be alright
i realized today how much kevin trusts me and realizes how capable i am at doing my job -- i've never been in a meeting with him in this manner - it was good but weird - i enjoyed just hanging with him and hearing more of his heart for what we do at the mission -- sometimes i don't see that - sometimes all i see is the tornado of kevin and not the heart - that was refreshing
but mostly - of all the things i realized today - i realized just how much my Father loves me today -- he opened up His arms and loved me in many, many ways - He never ceases to amaze me.
Monday, October 02, 2006
Wow - this semester has been a whirlwind of activity - first the sonicflood concert and now - haystack! for the next 3 weeks we will be challenging our students to seek fervantly spiritual renewal -- to lay ourselves on the alter and say - "I am your's" to say "here I am send me" to say "take all of me."
some of the activities we are planning really aren't that different from what we normally do - however - our focus is a bit different -- we are seeking to provide an avenue for students to see first hand the power of God in their lives as they confess and allow Him to use them -- not only on our campus but all over beaver county -- we want them to "as they go" do ministry - to allow God to use them to proclaim the good news to all - to see the book of Acts power.
we will start with prayer -- because anything worth doing for God must be grounded in fervant prayer - the foundation must be layed before the house is built. we will then move to service - to serve at Christ served - and lastly - after we've earned the right to be heard - week 3 will be to share our stories -- to proclaim boldly the work of salvation/grace/and power of God in our own lives - just as the apolostels did in the book Acts and throughout the new testiment.
i'm excited to see what God has in store for us - may we do all things as unto our God - for it's him we are serving and not ourselves!
it's over!
wow - after almost 5 months of calls, emails, and such - it's finally over - the fun-o-sonicflood is now just history - but i'm sure God will have it linger in our minds for a bit!
my heart is that all 700 or so people who came out will be daily overwhelmed with who He is and will continue to say "yes, here I am send me" - may last night be a start of a great awaking in our area, on our campuses, and mostly in our hearts!
thank you to all who helped - we were defintely part of something so much bigger than our little corner of pa
today - i'm tired yet it was all worth it - my little body is filling the effects of all the walking, pulling, lifting, and non-stop movement - my caffine buzz wore off as i was driving home -- but a hot after concert shower was just want i needed - i praised my God and just stood in amazment - Let the people cry, holy, holy, holy!
my heart is that all 700 or so people who came out will be daily overwhelmed with who He is and will continue to say "yes, here I am send me" - may last night be a start of a great awaking in our area, on our campuses, and mostly in our hearts!
thank you to all who helped - we were defintely part of something so much bigger than our little corner of pa
today - i'm tired yet it was all worth it - my little body is filling the effects of all the walking, pulling, lifting, and non-stop movement - my caffine buzz wore off as i was driving home -- but a hot after concert shower was just want i needed - i praised my God and just stood in amazment - Let the people cry, holy, holy, holy!
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