okay my head feels 100 x's bigger than my body, my eyes hurt, i have too much flemage in my thought, i didn't get to sleep in today, had to work after all, and now. . . now. . . plans are caving in - what the crap?!
nothing like waiting to the last momement to pull the plug guys! -- i can't be angry with personal family drama - but a few days ago when i called to confirm - it would have been nice to be told what was up.
now i'm left to go back to the drawing board - but this time, i have no time - i have no energy - i have no "plan b."
i feel so helpless and frankly - i'm pissed! - actually pissed isn't the word - but to save myself from being thought differently by others - i'll keep those words in my mouth.
so - what's next?
the song that dave hunt covered on his "shattered" cd is running through my head:
"when hope is lost, i'll call you Savior
when pain surrounds, i'll call you healer
when silence falls, you'll be the song within my heart"
"i will praise you, i praise you,
though the tears fall still i will sing to you
i will praise you, jesus praise you
through the suffering still i will sing"
Father help this be the song of my heart today -- i feel so out of control, yet i know you are in control -- help me to trust you, help me to hold on to you, but most of all help me to praise you despite what i see with my eyes - may my heart see and sing louder than my voice!
Saturday, August 26, 2006
Friday, August 25, 2006
odds and ends
so what can i say about my week?
crazy!
some how i've managed to work more hours than one person desires to, keep up with my studies lectures, and do more booking and planning for one voice. how has it all happened?
BY THE GRACE OF MY FATHER!
Thank you Abba for being my stength or carring me through the busyness!
freshmen stuff has been typical -- you see herds of confused and strange faces - you ask the same questions: what's your name, where ya from, how did you choose Geneva? this time of year is so much like the movie groundhog's day - i feel like the only thing that changes are the styles and the faces.
but for the most part it's been good. i've met some very good contacts such as sam, a miliarty kid who seems to be a loner - he's a computer geek type - very friendly and so just wants to have meaningful conversations with. then there is grace - she injured her foot/leg while working at camp this summer - hasn't had time to go to a doctor -- i sympathized - memories of my broken leg/cast and geneva were flooding back. so, i loved on her - hugs and all - and i hope she takes me up on the offer to take her to a dr.'s office.
and of course there are the returning students you reconnect with - such as noah, marlin, kate, and so on -- and with the new interns -- it's been a new experience for laura and i to just sit back and let things happen -- in some ways it's been good and in some ways i feel like i'm sherking on things -- i should be the one doing the tasks and encouraging them to go out and mingle and meet. but i guess there will be time after the forced fun of orination week is over. each year i struggle with this whole week -- i so enjoy and am honored that we are able to be part of the whole experience -- we are invited to do anything and be part of everything - we even get free food and all. but really - how many "real" contacts/encounters can we have? they are having so much info. shoved at them - but the name and brand recogization is just as important as the relationship building.
and this whole team thing. . . all i can do is continue to lay this at the throne of my Father and trust Him -- i don't have the answers - but I do know what God desires to do -- to reign healing, surrender, and His holiness all over our campus! and i know He desires to use us - but that can't happen if we are not a team - if we don't trust each other - if there isn't real and mutual respect for each other - cuz there will be no unity - and thus, we are not effective and usable as God desires. so, I trust You God - I know you are working even when I can't see it.
i do see postive things -- i do see movement to change - so, You are working Father - please teach me to be patient and to trust you more!
in other things related to life, love, and all things Francie. my church is almost all a light pumpkin color :( i so feel like my opinions as a member of that body is not being heard -- i feel like my pastor and his wife want to change everything -- and i know change can be good - but how much is too much change at once - and how much is man's change and not God's? the paint job is not the only change - but it's the one that's frustating me this week. - the issue i have is nothing matches - orange walls, blue chairs, and grey carpets -- makes for a lovely worshipful evinorment!
my confusion from sunday and monday is still there -- an upcoming conversation will hopefully help -- i've been really seeking direction - i don't want to fall back into the same trap of following my emotions and letting my feelings control me over God controlling me - God doesn't deserve my selfishness -- i don't want slap Him in the face with His Grace. this time - if i have to let go to see God change and transform another - that's what i need to do. i can't be the girl this time - i need to be out of control and let God lead.
okay - this is long enough - i don't get to sleep in tomorrow like i had hoped. but one day i'll get to sleep and rest - say. . . when i'm dead!
see ya
francie
crazy!
some how i've managed to work more hours than one person desires to, keep up with my studies lectures, and do more booking and planning for one voice. how has it all happened?
BY THE GRACE OF MY FATHER!
Thank you Abba for being my stength or carring me through the busyness!
freshmen stuff has been typical -- you see herds of confused and strange faces - you ask the same questions: what's your name, where ya from, how did you choose Geneva? this time of year is so much like the movie groundhog's day - i feel like the only thing that changes are the styles and the faces.
but for the most part it's been good. i've met some very good contacts such as sam, a miliarty kid who seems to be a loner - he's a computer geek type - very friendly and so just wants to have meaningful conversations with. then there is grace - she injured her foot/leg while working at camp this summer - hasn't had time to go to a doctor -- i sympathized - memories of my broken leg/cast and geneva were flooding back. so, i loved on her - hugs and all - and i hope she takes me up on the offer to take her to a dr.'s office.
and of course there are the returning students you reconnect with - such as noah, marlin, kate, and so on -- and with the new interns -- it's been a new experience for laura and i to just sit back and let things happen -- in some ways it's been good and in some ways i feel like i'm sherking on things -- i should be the one doing the tasks and encouraging them to go out and mingle and meet. but i guess there will be time after the forced fun of orination week is over. each year i struggle with this whole week -- i so enjoy and am honored that we are able to be part of the whole experience -- we are invited to do anything and be part of everything - we even get free food and all. but really - how many "real" contacts/encounters can we have? they are having so much info. shoved at them - but the name and brand recogization is just as important as the relationship building.
and this whole team thing. . . all i can do is continue to lay this at the throne of my Father and trust Him -- i don't have the answers - but I do know what God desires to do -- to reign healing, surrender, and His holiness all over our campus! and i know He desires to use us - but that can't happen if we are not a team - if we don't trust each other - if there isn't real and mutual respect for each other - cuz there will be no unity - and thus, we are not effective and usable as God desires. so, I trust You God - I know you are working even when I can't see it.
i do see postive things -- i do see movement to change - so, You are working Father - please teach me to be patient and to trust you more!
in other things related to life, love, and all things Francie. my church is almost all a light pumpkin color :( i so feel like my opinions as a member of that body is not being heard -- i feel like my pastor and his wife want to change everything -- and i know change can be good - but how much is too much change at once - and how much is man's change and not God's? the paint job is not the only change - but it's the one that's frustating me this week. - the issue i have is nothing matches - orange walls, blue chairs, and grey carpets -- makes for a lovely worshipful evinorment!
my confusion from sunday and monday is still there -- an upcoming conversation will hopefully help -- i've been really seeking direction - i don't want to fall back into the same trap of following my emotions and letting my feelings control me over God controlling me - God doesn't deserve my selfishness -- i don't want slap Him in the face with His Grace. this time - if i have to let go to see God change and transform another - that's what i need to do. i can't be the girl this time - i need to be out of control and let God lead.
okay - this is long enough - i don't get to sleep in tomorrow like i had hoped. but one day i'll get to sleep and rest - say. . . when i'm dead!
see ya
francie
Monday, August 21, 2006
why is it that one conversation/one event/one person in another's life can cause and epution of emotions which leads to confusion?
that's where i'm at right now.
the baptisms were refreshing -- beaver had the pleasure of seeing all generations coming into the family yesterday -- a child, a middle-aged man, and even a senior lady. pastor preached with such passion and emotion -- his challenges were trully holy spirit inspired. he shared may this day be the fresh-start in all of our lives. he went on to share that it's God who causes us to dye to self and gives new life. may God's healing winds and rain flow freely in our body.
yesterday was a day of many emotions - from saddness to joy - to down right confusion. confusion not because of decisions i need to make - but from old and new memories of persons once in my life. memories of those i've worshipped with, memories of those i shared life with, and memories of those i loved once.
why is it that once the proverable can of worms is opened you can't close it or deny it was opened. so now i must deal with thoughts, feelings, memories. i'm not ready to throw caution to the wind - i will not do that again - i can't afford it personally or spiritually. but i can't ignore what's right in front of my face -- so what's one to do?
the only thing i know - pray, talk, seek Him.
although i hadn't planned on making the call - i'm glad i did. i now know what's up. lila is right - that twinkle is there - she totally blow me out of the water with her comment - so how can i ignore it? this lady i love, i admire, i trust - she's really discerning - what did she see even then that i'm not? is it worth it?
i'll admit - when i found out the path that was taken, i was a bit jelious - i wanted it to be me - it should have been me. but is it now me? the truth is, after all this time there's something left - it can't be denied - but what is it? is it worth it?, is it right?, is it from Him? i will not settle, nor do i want any thing less than best - His best. i will not go back - but should it go foward?
i've stated my case - i've shared my stance - what's next?
if this is trully God's road and path - it's going to be a long, long road. i remember what once was - and i smile! - for the right reasons - i remember what caused the trip to begin. there have been stops, side roads, and even exits - can this car find the entrance ramp?
only God will tell.
in the mean time - i fix my eyes on the author and perfector of my faith!
francie
that's where i'm at right now.
the baptisms were refreshing -- beaver had the pleasure of seeing all generations coming into the family yesterday -- a child, a middle-aged man, and even a senior lady. pastor preached with such passion and emotion -- his challenges were trully holy spirit inspired. he shared may this day be the fresh-start in all of our lives. he went on to share that it's God who causes us to dye to self and gives new life. may God's healing winds and rain flow freely in our body.
yesterday was a day of many emotions - from saddness to joy - to down right confusion. confusion not because of decisions i need to make - but from old and new memories of persons once in my life. memories of those i've worshipped with, memories of those i shared life with, and memories of those i loved once.
why is it that once the proverable can of worms is opened you can't close it or deny it was opened. so now i must deal with thoughts, feelings, memories. i'm not ready to throw caution to the wind - i will not do that again - i can't afford it personally or spiritually. but i can't ignore what's right in front of my face -- so what's one to do?
the only thing i know - pray, talk, seek Him.
although i hadn't planned on making the call - i'm glad i did. i now know what's up. lila is right - that twinkle is there - she totally blow me out of the water with her comment - so how can i ignore it? this lady i love, i admire, i trust - she's really discerning - what did she see even then that i'm not? is it worth it?
i'll admit - when i found out the path that was taken, i was a bit jelious - i wanted it to be me - it should have been me. but is it now me? the truth is, after all this time there's something left - it can't be denied - but what is it? is it worth it?, is it right?, is it from Him? i will not settle, nor do i want any thing less than best - His best. i will not go back - but should it go foward?
i've stated my case - i've shared my stance - what's next?
if this is trully God's road and path - it's going to be a long, long road. i remember what once was - and i smile! - for the right reasons - i remember what caused the trip to begin. there have been stops, side roads, and even exits - can this car find the entrance ramp?
only God will tell.
in the mean time - i fix my eyes on the author and perfector of my faith!
francie
Friday, August 18, 2006
honesty
so today i spent the day doing a small training with my two new interns and my assist. we met at my church - how funny i touched on humility, communication, teamwork, and unity - the funny part is those things are missing from my church.
after we had dinner, i spent some time cleaning up and shutting off things. as i prepared to leave, one of my fellow church members was cutting the grass -- i stopped outside to chat for a moment. due to both of our busy schedules i had seen him or his wife for a bit. i asked the usually "how ya doin'" . . . what i was met with was real honesty.
"Not Good"
he went on to share how he was looking forward to and was excited about the up-coming baptism this sunday but at the same time sad over the recent events and drama of our church. we sent the next 10-15 minutes just lamenting together. the man of God whom i highly respect shared that this time is the first time since he had started attending in 1990 that he had a question mark as to the outcome -- he shared "i just don't know" - and with that statement, my brother had tears pouring down his face.
i feel this pain -- we agree we have been through alot with this family - but this loss - this loss really hurts - in more ways then one. of course we miss those who have left out of hurt and anger, yes, we are feeling the tenseness of the drama, but mostly reality is setting in -- no people in the pews means less funding, less resourses for God, less choices -- at some point the bank will run dry. what then?
how does a church operate without people? it's like running a car without gas - it just can't happen - at some point the tank with run dry and the fuel pump with burn up, causing more problems than just running out of gas.
is this really what God purposes for us? to run until we are dry and break down?
so i ask again. . . how can a church run with out the most needed thing - the church (the people) - without the church we just have a building - we are just maintaining stuff - we are not really being kingdom builders nor are we useful or useable to God.
the gentle man of God shared his only solution is psalm 46:10 -- i agree - we need to listen, wait, and ask for healing - in more ways then one. he shared he just has to place beaver in the Father's hands - wow! - what a mouthful! -
are we and have we placed ourselves and the rest of our family in our Father's hands? or are we conformed to man-made ideals of church? are we too prideful, to self-righteous to seek honest healing and forgiveness?
i don't have the answers for my broken family - but as i shared with my brother, no matter what I will praise my God for how He has worked in the past, for how He is working now - and yes, my heart must convince my mind that my God is directly in the center of this mess, He hasn't left us, and i must praise Him and give Him the glory for the outcome -- no matter what it is. whether good or bad all will be for His glory and for our good.
matt redmen penned and tree 63 exclaimed "Blessed be the name of the Lord"
Father help me to see you in the center of this storm. Please bring your healing rains and hover over beaver until we are soaked in your love.
start with me - help me to confess my hurt/anger/displeasure with those around me and give me the strength to seek forgivenss.
after we had dinner, i spent some time cleaning up and shutting off things. as i prepared to leave, one of my fellow church members was cutting the grass -- i stopped outside to chat for a moment. due to both of our busy schedules i had seen him or his wife for a bit. i asked the usually "how ya doin'" . . . what i was met with was real honesty.
"Not Good"
he went on to share how he was looking forward to and was excited about the up-coming baptism this sunday but at the same time sad over the recent events and drama of our church. we sent the next 10-15 minutes just lamenting together. the man of God whom i highly respect shared that this time is the first time since he had started attending in 1990 that he had a question mark as to the outcome -- he shared "i just don't know" - and with that statement, my brother had tears pouring down his face.
i feel this pain -- we agree we have been through alot with this family - but this loss - this loss really hurts - in more ways then one. of course we miss those who have left out of hurt and anger, yes, we are feeling the tenseness of the drama, but mostly reality is setting in -- no people in the pews means less funding, less resourses for God, less choices -- at some point the bank will run dry. what then?
how does a church operate without people? it's like running a car without gas - it just can't happen - at some point the tank with run dry and the fuel pump with burn up, causing more problems than just running out of gas.
is this really what God purposes for us? to run until we are dry and break down?
so i ask again. . . how can a church run with out the most needed thing - the church (the people) - without the church we just have a building - we are just maintaining stuff - we are not really being kingdom builders nor are we useful or useable to God.
the gentle man of God shared his only solution is psalm 46:10 -- i agree - we need to listen, wait, and ask for healing - in more ways then one. he shared he just has to place beaver in the Father's hands - wow! - what a mouthful! -
are we and have we placed ourselves and the rest of our family in our Father's hands? or are we conformed to man-made ideals of church? are we too prideful, to self-righteous to seek honest healing and forgiveness?
i don't have the answers for my broken family - but as i shared with my brother, no matter what I will praise my God for how He has worked in the past, for how He is working now - and yes, my heart must convince my mind that my God is directly in the center of this mess, He hasn't left us, and i must praise Him and give Him the glory for the outcome -- no matter what it is. whether good or bad all will be for His glory and for our good.
matt redmen penned and tree 63 exclaimed "Blessed be the name of the Lord"
Father help me to see you in the center of this storm. Please bring your healing rains and hover over beaver until we are soaked in your love.
start with me - help me to confess my hurt/anger/displeasure with those around me and give me the strength to seek forgivenss.
Thursday, August 17, 2006
let the learning begin!
it's done!
i've registered for classes and i've payed my first payment! i'm now on my way to higher learning!
in other news: -- came out of Krispy Kreme at 11pm last night and what did i see -- a flat front tire!
stink - steve the manager on duty noticed it and the sweet boys of the donut world changed my tire. i kept saying i could do it - but brain - the nightshift production guy said "a man never let's a woman change a tire" - he finished by saying "unless your one of those famist types."
it's funny as he was getting on greasing and swetty, he was telling me of his mom who in his words is "one of those born again Christian types." he found it necessary to inform me the reason he isn't a Christian. we had a good conversation - i shared why I am and why i'm working there - he is a floater from another story, thus really doesn't know me too well. i got to share of my exciting new of seminary -- he seemed happy for me. i left thinking that it's no accident i'm there. that was one of serveral stories i got to share about why i'm doing what i'm doing -- working three jobs and why - with those i work with.
over all a good but tiring night
looking forward to making donuts tonight
francie
i've registered for classes and i've payed my first payment! i'm now on my way to higher learning!
in other news: -- came out of Krispy Kreme at 11pm last night and what did i see -- a flat front tire!
stink - steve the manager on duty noticed it and the sweet boys of the donut world changed my tire. i kept saying i could do it - but brain - the nightshift production guy said "a man never let's a woman change a tire" - he finished by saying "unless your one of those famist types."
it's funny as he was getting on greasing and swetty, he was telling me of his mom who in his words is "one of those born again Christian types." he found it necessary to inform me the reason he isn't a Christian. we had a good conversation - i shared why I am and why i'm working there - he is a floater from another story, thus really doesn't know me too well. i got to share of my exciting new of seminary -- he seemed happy for me. i left thinking that it's no accident i'm there. that was one of serveral stories i got to share about why i'm doing what i'm doing -- working three jobs and why - with those i work with.
over all a good but tiring night
looking forward to making donuts tonight
francie
Tuesday, August 15, 2006
a student once more
wow - after 7 years of fighting and the last 3 months self doubt -- it's done!
I'm an offical student of Southern Baptist Theological Seminary!
I recieved word yesterday in a voicemail from the admissions office that i've been accepted!
it's hard to belive that i'm really a student again -- many things are running around my head. i never really thought i would go back. i had always dreamed of it but have been too scared to attempt it. however, after saying "yes" last May i've had peace about where the money was coming from, my time, how i was going to do this from Pa - but i'm not scared - now i'll admit. . . satan has been causing me to doubt my yes - but God's word reassures me that the straight path has been layed for me -- all i need to do is walk in it!
Lord teach me your way, guide me in your truth and teach me - for you are the God of my Salvation!
I'm an offical student of Southern Baptist Theological Seminary!
I recieved word yesterday in a voicemail from the admissions office that i've been accepted!
it's hard to belive that i'm really a student again -- many things are running around my head. i never really thought i would go back. i had always dreamed of it but have been too scared to attempt it. however, after saying "yes" last May i've had peace about where the money was coming from, my time, how i was going to do this from Pa - but i'm not scared - now i'll admit. . . satan has been causing me to doubt my yes - but God's word reassures me that the straight path has been layed for me -- all i need to do is walk in it!
Lord teach me your way, guide me in your truth and teach me - for you are the God of my Salvation!
Sunday, August 13, 2006
an empty church
as i looked around the santucary of my church today, this thought came to my head. . . not only was it an empty church attendence wise but in heart and unity as well.
i remember a year ago when God gave me this image of many bodies in the chairs but i couldn't see the faces. i realized then that now more than ever was God calling Beaver to something huge - bigger than us!
but what's our problem?
where are those butts that belong in those seats?
as pastor spoke about how Jesus' death reconciled us to God - one point he made as now we must be reconiled with each other - Christians all over the world have no reason to seperated by act,motives,words, etc cuz the blood of Christ is more than enough.
well. . . why does it seem it's easy to preach about and to teach on - but why can't our church life this out? why can't grown adults talk cival to one another and why can't we truely be honest?
I don't think it's fair to pastor for folks not sharing by now what's made them mad enough to leave - he can't help work on what he doesn't know is wrong - BUT - i don't think it's right to just sit back and make others come to you in the name of being biblical -- when really it's just a cop out.
it's weird. . . i feel like a stranger in my own church. due to my life at the mission and in campus ministry, i've been gone alot this month -- so to me, all of the drama is third person -- none of it really involves or effects me per say. yes, it does effect me cuz i'm a memeber of the church - but i'm seeing it a bit more neutral. i'm not against the pastor - however, i do see areas where he hasn't listend to the people and i do see where at times his wife can be a bit rough - but can't we all. i don't feel he deserves to be kicked out - what i do feel is we need to clean the air -- we need to first repent before our Father and then to each other -- it's hurts that several familes are gone with hurt and bitter feelings unsolved -- that does nothing good. it just causes a rift in the body as a whole.
oh we all should listen to david platt's teaching on what a true biblcal church is -- i'm sure we are not matching up at all
May God break us and cause us to see with His eyes, and feel with His heart -- we are His church - and a church divided only serves man and satan on our Lord/Master/ and Head.
i remember a year ago when God gave me this image of many bodies in the chairs but i couldn't see the faces. i realized then that now more than ever was God calling Beaver to something huge - bigger than us!
but what's our problem?
where are those butts that belong in those seats?
as pastor spoke about how Jesus' death reconciled us to God - one point he made as now we must be reconiled with each other - Christians all over the world have no reason to seperated by act,motives,words, etc cuz the blood of Christ is more than enough.
well. . . why does it seem it's easy to preach about and to teach on - but why can't our church life this out? why can't grown adults talk cival to one another and why can't we truely be honest?
I don't think it's fair to pastor for folks not sharing by now what's made them mad enough to leave - he can't help work on what he doesn't know is wrong - BUT - i don't think it's right to just sit back and make others come to you in the name of being biblical -- when really it's just a cop out.
it's weird. . . i feel like a stranger in my own church. due to my life at the mission and in campus ministry, i've been gone alot this month -- so to me, all of the drama is third person -- none of it really involves or effects me per say. yes, it does effect me cuz i'm a memeber of the church - but i'm seeing it a bit more neutral. i'm not against the pastor - however, i do see areas where he hasn't listend to the people and i do see where at times his wife can be a bit rough - but can't we all. i don't feel he deserves to be kicked out - what i do feel is we need to clean the air -- we need to first repent before our Father and then to each other -- it's hurts that several familes are gone with hurt and bitter feelings unsolved -- that does nothing good. it just causes a rift in the body as a whole.
oh we all should listen to david platt's teaching on what a true biblcal church is -- i'm sure we are not matching up at all
May God break us and cause us to see with His eyes, and feel with His heart -- we are His church - and a church divided only serves man and satan on our Lord/Master/ and Head.
Thursday, August 10, 2006
priorities
so, today is my first day back in about two weeks -- yes, i was in my office last week for a few days - but was very distracted with life and campus min. stuff.
but i must say - even though i feel like a slacker here at the mission -- i believe i placed the right priority on things in my life.
i'll posting this cuz today was our reschedule quartely all employee meeting. notice i say rescheduled cuz it was to take place two weeks ago - but my director put another priority in it's place so our meeting was rescheduled.
with that said - my director became upset when the chapel was scarsely packed at 1pm -- for one these meetings are not mantatory and second, it was rescheduled -- a one dept. head had already cleared her vacation weeks back for this week.
but i've been thinking - why be mad? -- i understand you want people to take this seriously - but in one case, one dept. head was ministrying to a client rather than saying "i don't have time for, got to run to t a meeting"
aren't we here to see God change and transform lives? - then wasn't the priorities of certain staff right where they needed to be: meeting and praying with a confused women, helping one of our graduating recovery program clients move into their own place - isn't ministry about people?
okay - just a rant for now
francie
but i must say - even though i feel like a slacker here at the mission -- i believe i placed the right priority on things in my life.
i'll posting this cuz today was our reschedule quartely all employee meeting. notice i say rescheduled cuz it was to take place two weeks ago - but my director put another priority in it's place so our meeting was rescheduled.
with that said - my director became upset when the chapel was scarsely packed at 1pm -- for one these meetings are not mantatory and second, it was rescheduled -- a one dept. head had already cleared her vacation weeks back for this week.
but i've been thinking - why be mad? -- i understand you want people to take this seriously - but in one case, one dept. head was ministrying to a client rather than saying "i don't have time for, got to run to t a meeting"
aren't we here to see God change and transform lives? - then wasn't the priorities of certain staff right where they needed to be: meeting and praying with a confused women, helping one of our graduating recovery program clients move into their own place - isn't ministry about people?
okay - just a rant for now
francie
Thursday, August 03, 2006
my family
12 years - that's how long i've been blessed to be a part of beaver baptist
i can't imagine being any other place and with any other body. but as i wrestle with the uncertainity of beaver, i had to think about that. i don't want to but i can't ignore reality.
it's funny, we have one church healing over the break with their pastor, one church who recently discovered their pastor was leaving, and then there is us. . . we have a pastor, but no church - how can that be?
on the surface i would say pride, selfishness, un-Christ-likeness all played a part - but i think the roots are deeper. my love of beaver has been the family feeling you get - the everyone knows my name experiences. i can't be away too long until i get a call asking how i'm doing, even if i'm away for campus min. or city rescue mission stuff - i'm honestly missed!
but as i reflect on the pastor mike years, a few months of our intrim pastor, and the four years w/o a pastor - i realize something. i think we, the body, gives too much power to the pastor and not enough to God - or better said, we trust the pastor to make all of our decisions rather together with the pastor seeking God's direction. in essence, our silence gives approval to all decisions the pastor makes. This is wrong -- we need to be allowing the pastor to do what he is instructed to do; teach, shephard, and lead the people. we are to be willing to be empowered to lead - not just be led.
so, here we are - people are hurt, angry, unhappy, and discontented. why? because we seem to be lacking motivation to really be the church -- we want our needs met -- we sit back every sunday and say "bless me, take care of me" - when what we should be doing is saying "train me, let me lead"
so, where do we go from here? -- i'm no one special and i'm not really smart - but i think it's time our leadership get off their butts and all the body to true repentence/confession/ and forgiveness.
it's time we, "together seek to disciple the saved and reach the lost in the community in which we live" - taken from the mission statement of Beaver Baptist Church.
that can only happen when we stop worrying about the little things, stop worrying about protocal - and start being real - authenicily living out our faith journey in fear and trembling with each other - in real community.
this will only happen when we stop getting filled and running over with facts and start pouring out God's love/truth/and message to those around us -- when we stop tip-toeing around the pastor and his wife and start making our voices heard - not for the sake of pleasing ourselves or meeting our needs but for the main reason of seeing God's glory revealed in beaver baptist to a watching world all around brighton township.
just my thoughts and ramblings on the state of my church
i can't imagine being any other place and with any other body. but as i wrestle with the uncertainity of beaver, i had to think about that. i don't want to but i can't ignore reality.
it's funny, we have one church healing over the break with their pastor, one church who recently discovered their pastor was leaving, and then there is us. . . we have a pastor, but no church - how can that be?
on the surface i would say pride, selfishness, un-Christ-likeness all played a part - but i think the roots are deeper. my love of beaver has been the family feeling you get - the everyone knows my name experiences. i can't be away too long until i get a call asking how i'm doing, even if i'm away for campus min. or city rescue mission stuff - i'm honestly missed!
but as i reflect on the pastor mike years, a few months of our intrim pastor, and the four years w/o a pastor - i realize something. i think we, the body, gives too much power to the pastor and not enough to God - or better said, we trust the pastor to make all of our decisions rather together with the pastor seeking God's direction. in essence, our silence gives approval to all decisions the pastor makes. This is wrong -- we need to be allowing the pastor to do what he is instructed to do; teach, shephard, and lead the people. we are to be willing to be empowered to lead - not just be led.
so, here we are - people are hurt, angry, unhappy, and discontented. why? because we seem to be lacking motivation to really be the church -- we want our needs met -- we sit back every sunday and say "bless me, take care of me" - when what we should be doing is saying "train me, let me lead"
so, where do we go from here? -- i'm no one special and i'm not really smart - but i think it's time our leadership get off their butts and all the body to true repentence/confession/ and forgiveness.
it's time we, "together seek to disciple the saved and reach the lost in the community in which we live" - taken from the mission statement of Beaver Baptist Church.
that can only happen when we stop worrying about the little things, stop worrying about protocal - and start being real - authenicily living out our faith journey in fear and trembling with each other - in real community.
this will only happen when we stop getting filled and running over with facts and start pouring out God's love/truth/and message to those around us -- when we stop tip-toeing around the pastor and his wife and start making our voices heard - not for the sake of pleasing ourselves or meeting our needs but for the main reason of seeing God's glory revealed in beaver baptist to a watching world all around brighton township.
just my thoughts and ramblings on the state of my church
Wednesday, August 02, 2006
my heart crys HOLY!
in case any are wondering -- my mom is out of the hospital. she is on many restrictions, but she promises she will do her best to follow them.
as we were talking last night, my mom revealed something that i believe God kept from me to protect me. she said her doctor informed her that her stomach looked like a bomb had exploded in her - that's how much a mess her stomach was. that if she would have waited until thurs. to recieve help, she would have either been too bled out to save or her stomach would have been removed; emergency surgery.
neither option sounded good - but praise be to our God who is ever present and always protecting, providing, and sustaining because He has done great things -- and I am filled with joy!
He knew i was on the edge emotionally as it was -- so He lovingly shielded me from that which would have harmed me - instead He allowed me to question, He allowed me to cry out, He allowed me to walk with His strengh - but most of all, He allowed/provided the means and way/invited me to walk by faith - not of my own power - but only by and throug His.
my heart was guarded with His peace and love, my steps were ordered in His sight, my God didn't leave me -- as jermey camp stated, "Jesus, you have carried me" - that's what He did!
and for all He did and didn't allow I say Thank you - my God and My King! You are Holy, Worthy, Powerful, Just, Mighty -- You are I AM and I will be your daughter!
francie
as we were talking last night, my mom revealed something that i believe God kept from me to protect me. she said her doctor informed her that her stomach looked like a bomb had exploded in her - that's how much a mess her stomach was. that if she would have waited until thurs. to recieve help, she would have either been too bled out to save or her stomach would have been removed; emergency surgery.
neither option sounded good - but praise be to our God who is ever present and always protecting, providing, and sustaining because He has done great things -- and I am filled with joy!
He knew i was on the edge emotionally as it was -- so He lovingly shielded me from that which would have harmed me - instead He allowed me to question, He allowed me to cry out, He allowed me to walk with His strengh - but most of all, He allowed/provided the means and way/invited me to walk by faith - not of my own power - but only by and throug His.
my heart was guarded with His peace and love, my steps were ordered in His sight, my God didn't leave me -- as jermey camp stated, "Jesus, you have carried me" - that's what He did!
and for all He did and didn't allow I say Thank you - my God and My King! You are Holy, Worthy, Powerful, Just, Mighty -- You are I AM and I will be your daughter!
francie
Tuesday, August 01, 2006
. . . and the guilty shall pay
after several days of being out of touch with my work at the mission and drowing in campus ministry issues, i'm sitting here in my office reading the local paper trying to get caught up on several days of reading.
Headline: "Felasco gets one to seven years" -- just the first word caught my attention and i read the story - for the entire 4 years i've worked here at the mission there has been this drama in county government. the county treasurer decided to pocket over $47,000,000 in tax payer tax payments over the course of several years - it was brought to light alone with many other things two years ago. it has taken two years for the state to try him - yet all the while he remained in his county elected position and getting paid for it but not showing up to work. the state refused to remove him until the trail was over and he was either found innocent or guilty. well. . . early part of the summer he was found guilty on all charges as well as he was tried on several other theft charges from one other group he was involved him - thus, the headline -- the decision on this trail came down today.
as i sit here thinking how finally justice has been done - mr. felasco got what he deserved - i can't help but hurt for his daughter -- she didn't ask for any of this. since this all came out, one of our staff memebers has shared that his family has recieved much grief from the public - at times even down right nasty to his family. not only has she lost her stable home - felasco and his wife divorced, but she is now losing her daddy - even if he is a jerk - he's still her dad - and she is just a little girl - this has to be hard.
my prayer is that the church this little girl attends, which is also attended by one of our mission staff members, would help her see that her abba father will never let her down - He will never leave her - He will carry her. if there's anytime the body needs to function properly; it's now!
God use her church to reach this broken family for Your Glory!
Headline: "Felasco gets one to seven years" -- just the first word caught my attention and i read the story - for the entire 4 years i've worked here at the mission there has been this drama in county government. the county treasurer decided to pocket over $47,000,000 in tax payer tax payments over the course of several years - it was brought to light alone with many other things two years ago. it has taken two years for the state to try him - yet all the while he remained in his county elected position and getting paid for it but not showing up to work. the state refused to remove him until the trail was over and he was either found innocent or guilty. well. . . early part of the summer he was found guilty on all charges as well as he was tried on several other theft charges from one other group he was involved him - thus, the headline -- the decision on this trail came down today.
as i sit here thinking how finally justice has been done - mr. felasco got what he deserved - i can't help but hurt for his daughter -- she didn't ask for any of this. since this all came out, one of our staff memebers has shared that his family has recieved much grief from the public - at times even down right nasty to his family. not only has she lost her stable home - felasco and his wife divorced, but she is now losing her daddy - even if he is a jerk - he's still her dad - and she is just a little girl - this has to be hard.
my prayer is that the church this little girl attends, which is also attended by one of our mission staff members, would help her see that her abba father will never let her down - He will never leave her - He will carry her. if there's anytime the body needs to function properly; it's now!
God use her church to reach this broken family for Your Glory!
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