Ancient Words

okay, i know i shouldn't have. . . but it was a birthday celebration at grand book and bible today - so, after venturing to aldi's to get the rest of the fun food for sonicflood - i dashed to the bookstore to get my discount ducky and save money -- i was looking for the cd that just "popped' out to me - well . . . here it is. . . for several months now i've been intrigged with the music from isreal - see the guys and joe attend a messanic jewish temple in new castle - and they've been listening to this type of music -- it's so refreshing to be connecting with the roots of Savior. to see and hear how He would have worshipped, to sing the scriptures as He would have - it reminds me i've been adopted - grafted - as scripture says - into the family that has been chosen by God.

and then this summer to encounter the bible school that i did - they sang the shema - they taught the kids their heritage -- oh yes - not only do they need it but we adults need a history lesson in the heritage of our faith - so - hear o isreal, the lord your God is one!

this is very good music to mediate with and on.

i would recommand it highly!

fall is here

so as i've driven around today, one thing has been apparent - FALL IS HERE! seeing the tops of the trees start to turn is a cool site -- even though i hate this weather - pa sucks for crappy weather - i love the beauty of autum. and not to mention - my flowers are blooming - why can't have flowers like normal people - flowers are to grow and bloom in the spring and summer - mine decide to grow in aug. and sept - silly flowers!

on a more serious note - as i was at 19 north last night, it really hit me - this concert on sunday -- i need to be interceeding - i've been talking about how it's not just another concert but to walk around the building last night - it was impressed on my heart the need to prepare the way in prayer - major decisions will be made that night -- some for the first time to walk with Christ others to a life of surrender and still others to a life of services to the ends of the earth. those 2 hours could be the 2 hours of life and death for someone - may you Father be in the midst - may we see you do big things beyond what we can see or imagine - may you be glorified and may your church be set free, be healed, and be united!

God of Mercy!

okay - i've been a bit distracted lately - i'll admit, i've fallen behind in my class work and lectures - this afternoon i watched part of a back lecture with the intenion of watching the rest tonight after my time at the "kreme"

so i get home - take the fun after krispy kreme shower - spend more time talking to my Father, praising him in song, and pleading for guidence - a little side note - it's a wonder in my little apartment that my smoke detector in the kitchen doesn't go off from my showers - i stepped out of the bathroom and was greeted with a think fog of steam streaming from the bathroom and pouring all throughout my bed and into the livingroom -- who would have thought that a 30 minute hot shower would leave it's mark!!! but i digress!

back to my story -- i sit down in my living room in silence "listening" and just being still and quite before my God - after all how am i to get direction and answers if i'm loud and talking all the time. after a while i found myself not really tired - i decided to watch the remaining lectures - so i did -- for the next hour or so i learned all about evangelism and church history from the revivals in the british isle to the revivalist movement of the 20th century - enlighting yet alot of info. i found myself a bit overloaded. so, in the attempt to be a good student i pull out my binder for my class and i flip to the notes from the last lecture inorder to put the new notes in. but wait. my eyes gazed at the syllabus and realized that i had a mid-term due in just 48 short hours

OH CRAP! was my words. . . and when i mean due - i mean needed to be proctored and mailed and recieved by Sept. 29 - i realized i was screwed. so, i'm online preparing to download my midterm -- picture it - i try to log on to e-campus at southern - can't remember my password - ask for a new one but can't remember the password for my southern email - i generally just click on the link from e-campus - i have it set up that i'm automatically logged in when i log into e-campus. this is the lazy man's way of it - but this time i've been bitten in the butt!

i can't remember passwords - i'm old, what can i say! i finally find the right combo of the version of the password i thought was it and it was. i get into my email to find a gift from my Savior. Dr. Payne - the prof. teaching this course - emailed to say that the midterm would be pushed back a week - PRAISE GOD!! i was not ready to pull and alnighter this early in my seminary career.

my God knew i've been stressed and not too focused and He has given me grace inorder that i may do my best - to perform with excellence as a student - to show myself approved - rightly dividing the Word of Truth - not for me to get good grades or for me to try and impress Dr. Payne with my abilities to b.s. - but inorder to honor Him through my studies - to really apply what i'm learning and to mediate on the truthes of Him i'm learning in this class. I know only have 1 lecture to caught up on and two discussion questions to answer and 2 books to read inorder to do my comparaitve anylasis paper - my God is so good to me!

okay - it's night to sleep a bit.

hump day maddness

oh yet but another night of krispy kreme fun - and fun it was -- another night of the line breaking, new girls, and the big boss - the president, ken being in. but i was able to make myself a fun filled cup of double chocolate hot chocolate with tons of whipped creme - that made my night!

and i learned something new. . . we can make our dounuts into the shapes of footballs - how fun is that?!!

but mostly - i was able to pray, ponder, reflect and just ask my daddy questions -- why is being in charge so stressfull? - i wonder what jesus felt like being the leader of 12 -- tonight i walked into the "kreme" and bryan - the assistant general mananger visably appeared to be losing it -- i took some time to ask what was wrong -- he proceeds to tell me that he has been trying to leave since 3pm and just can't seem to get out the door -- too much drama! - he said his wife keeps asking him why he can't eat dinner with them lately -- my heart went out to him -- here he is - struggling to do the best he can and not feeling like he's accomplishing anything -- how often do i feel like that?! - all the time.

i know there are some in my life that isn't happy with my views and my leadership - i feel like i'm screwed either way -- i don't want to be the bad guy yet i can't say for certain that "this is God's timing and leading" -- all through out scripture we see God confirming His leading through His word - and in my own life i can testify to that -- when i sense God's leading - it's always confirmed as I read, study and hear His Word taught, as well as through others in my life.

i often pray for God to prepare the way . . . to already be working in another's life before i have to speak with or ask for something -- to give me favor in man's eyes - not for me but for His Glory and to further His kingdom. i just don't see that "preparing the way" thing here. maybe i'm not looking for it - what's stopping me? - i'm not really worried about how things will work cuz my God reassures me that He's got me and He's not letting go. that's where i am walking n faith.

God i just ask that as we open your Word - prepare the way - lead, guide and direct and allow us to be willing to listen and obey.

francie

oh what a shower can do!

my last post was ful of questions - but after taking the fun after krispy kreme shower -- and pouring my heart out to my Father - i have even more questions - something just isn't right.

in trying to be fair, objective, and supportative - i'm trying to check myself - and still things just don't jive. how can one thing be so clear one moment and the next it's foggy? in my experience, fog occurs right after or before a rain shower -- what are you trying to pour out God? please make it clear - fog can be hunting, fog can be hard to navigate through, yet, fog can be cool to look at - it can bring the since of mystery and thrill of what lies ahead - is that what i'm to dwell on - what's ahead and not what's hard to see or what's unclear?

Psm. 25: 4-8 sums up my thoughts for today. - lead, guide, and teach because you are the God of my salvation!

things never go the way you planned

so tonight i pulled up to my favoriate dounut shop ready to play with dounuts. even though i have been away for a day, the smell still bowls me over. i walk in and the assistant manager, steve tells me he's really glad to see me -- apparently it's been a day already for them - the 3rd shift guy's sister died so there's no overnight shift - so. . . all his work needs to fall on us and the store will close - interesting -- so - we were all running around trying to get "caught up" - me in the back staging and all of a sudden steve comes back and says "we have a problem" - he's looking for tools - not a good thing i tell ya - this was about 7pm

well . . . the point to this ramble is . . . the fryer is fried! -- all dounut production stopped -- not a good thing for a store that is responsible for two other store's dounuts - but i was able to fill those orders - but that left our store short.

the poor general manager, jerry, steve, and the district guy, eric - are all pouring over the fryer trying to figure out how to fix it. all jerry can say is "i don't have time for this" what started out to be an easy day has turned out to be a disaster of great magnatitude. without the fryer no - i repeat - NO dounuts can be made - and the way life at the "kreme" works is every shift relies on the next to do their part inorder for the whole thing to work -- i've been there going on 4 months now and the biggest thing i've noticed is how hard the managers all work - they give themselves totally to the "job" - jerry, steve, bryan, diane, marci - they all work long hours - helping out all over the place -- and i now it's not the money -- they all believe in the team -- the whole store doing well - even eric when he's in works retail, processing, you name it.

well . . . that's my thoughts about my life right now -- i don't have time for the drama. it seems i've not had one calm week since the semester started and it's not going to calm down now. i can really learn alot about leadership from watching the managers at the "kreme" - they teach me alot about being flexable and doing the best you can with what you have product wise and staff wise to work with -- take for example -- what i do -- i don't really work hard -- when i work with steve - i usually box the glazed off the line - these are the dounuts that go to stores -- i generally do the staging -- preparing the routes for the drivers to take the dounut orders to stores - and i do processing - putting the filling in dounuts, putting chocolate/sprinkles on the glazed dounuts and so on. -- early on with steve working with me - he realized i'm quick and i'm able to work independently and get the work done well - and it helps i can read and understand teh production sheets - the sheets that tell us how many of each kind of dounuts gets boxed and which routes they go on and so on - so, instead of doing retail he has me do what he sees i'm good at and i fill in wherever needed.

that's a teachable moment -- i need to be more flexable - use what and who i've got and not try to fit folks into my model. i just wish it wasn't so stressful - i wish i could enjoy this experience more - i'm always feeling like i'm not providing enough guidence/training/ or giving enough of me and my time to those i'm leading -- i feel like i'm bearly keeping my head above water - and that's now -- what's next? i feel like i'm surely going to sink -- something will need to come off of my plate -- i can't give me best if i'm drowning from stress, busyness, overworkedness, and being tired -- i fill now i'm not available enough - what then? -- i will never be on campus staying connected - i will be conducting meetings and doing admin. all the time

but if one thing has been made clear to me over the course of a year - is now my limits - and i am - i have - my good freind debbie reminds me all the time that i'm not super woman - she's right -- something must and will need to give - even by giving up the "kreme" something else will have to go -- i will not be honoring God with my busyness - i will be doing the work of ministry but not being.

i guess my thoughts now must be - what's next? - what's got to go - what am i really being called to? maybe this ride has come to it's end -- maybe my time is over. why is being an adult so hard? oh, i long for the days when my greatest worry was what i was going to do after school during these short fall days.

but one thing is certain -- for i know that my redeemer lives!

the old made new

i finished watching one of my favoriate movies last night before i went to bed. it was right towards in the end when my cell phone rang -- it was my "jake"

we hung out -- it was nice. we laughed, talked about football, we talked - really talked - it was comfortable - not awakard at all. i feel like reese witherspoon - i like my life - but this fits too. i can see he's trying to submit -- he told me about the things he's talked to God on -- and it has nothing to do with me -- that's good. i was able to share what i've been praying for in regard to him -- i explained i've been praying that God would apprend him and capture his heart again -- he told me he thinks God's doing that.

the one thing i've always liked about my "jake" is he is honest - he speaks his heart - not his mind -- you can see his emotions in his words -- and he's straight up with ya. he challenges me to be honest as well - to not sugar coat things - he sees through my masks to the real me.

we took a step forward -- movie night and dinner -- i make dinner - he brings the movies - he says mine are corny - go figure -- chic clicks corny! but this time - he told me to "bring my girls" -- he wants to meet the folks in my life -- that's not the darryel i knew -- he has changed and matured.

i'm not leaping blindly -- i'm not rushing ahead -- we are both very aware what "we" want - but we keep reminding each other -- it's not about what we want - it's about what God wants and where and how He is leading -- i'm not going to lie -- i want my wants to be God's - but this is where i need to submit and surrender - not my will but your's - much easier said then done - but i'm not alone -- he is faithful -- He will teach me, guide me, and lead me - as long as i'm willing to obey.

trust and obey for there's no other way - to be happy in Jesus but to trust and obey

celebrating the harvest

"Your not with out hope, not without love, not witout Jesus". . . these are the words to the song i've heard about 50 or so times with the powerpoint slide show that my boss' wife created about a year ago. there have been times when i've watched the slide show and listened to the song and all the while i was thinking about then the event would be over. not today. today was no ordinary saturday for me. and anyone who has been around me while i've been working at the Mission will understand. i generally hate open house months -- we run around, making everything so shiney and pretty, we focus on the details rather than the big picture, we lose our tempers with each other, not to mention the long hours, lack of sleep, and money we shell out -- all for what? -- for those who God is calling to sow into His ministry to see His stories of amazing Grace!

i must admit - i complain every time open house rolls around -- it's like the end of the semester finals -- i know they are coming and i know they will pleasent and i'll meet new people but it's the crap leading up to it that i hate. but today we had our fall open house - this wasn't any ordinary open house - it wasn't business as usual -- it was our 95th anniversity birthday party!

to hear the stories and testimony from past board memebers and current boardmembers and long time friends and donors - was. . . overwhelming! i realized as marylee started the slide show -- what an honor and a privilage it is to serve at the mission. not that i didn't know that before - but God smacked me with the David Crowder song -- "come and listen, come and listen to what He has done" -- God has allowed me to be part of something so much bigger than me. i'm part of the spiritual heritage God has been wavey in the region for 95 years. to hear the stories of God's provision - his direction - and those who have come before me . . . all i can say is wow.

that's not all - marylee updated some the pics. - to see some of my groups, my volunteers - those i've worked with - i've build relationships with - i was reminded that God has placed me here and he is using me. at times i feel like the slacker staff memeber -- i can't report much by way of work done in the ministry from my department -- i don't have stats such as how many nights of sleep i've offered or how many meals i've given -- but what i can see is the lives God has allowed me to intersect with - the youth from the york, pa rescue mission, the youth from bell memorial, jeff rickabaugh's group, ken nelson and so many more.

another thing that hit me -- seeing the folks that we've served -- a few i've gotten to know - again - what an honor to be witness to God's power and grace in working in a broken life. yet my heart hurts for the alfred's, the mark's, the ron's who walk away. Father, may you look after them - and capture their hearts again.

over all i must say this has been the best open house we've had - i know april is on it's way - but i'm going to enjoy today!

so tonight was the season premier of er -- can i say this is one thing that lingers over from my college days. i remember my roommates clinging to the tv every thursday watching friends and er -- they couldn't see me at the cabinet until after 11pm. i used to get so mad. but then there was an off week of the newspaper and i was home on a thursday night - and that's when it happened. . . my er addiction started. it got so bad that i had a small tv in the newspaper office just to listen to the show. but here i am many moons later and i'm still hooked. . . gone are dr. doug and mark green - gone are noah wiley and julian marquise - but it's still an excellent show. and tonight it kept me from screaming as i painted the massive wall of crap here at the mission.

can i say . . . i'm tired of painting -- i'm all specally with toast and bleach sand paint, i'm dirty from planting mums and my feet are swetting -- i need a shower but i'm not going to drive home now -- my little ghetto van bench seat will get company tonight -- it's sleeping in my office for me - oh what fun i have working at the mission!

francie

where have i been?

when i started this blog, i vowed to not be one of those people that post like once every month or so - but saddly i must eat my word.

so - where have i been? running around but not really accomplishing anything - bearly keeping my head above water - but praise be to my God who has pushed back the waters to keep me from drawning.

the mission - no focus - too much happening - open house, finalizing summer stuff, thanksgiving hell time, christmas stuff -- i hate this time of year -- i don't feel like i get to enjoy God at the mission during this period -- i feel like i'm in such a rush to get donations of all kinds that i miss the reason i'm here.

campus - stressful - but leveling out -- just like last year -- it seems the things God is calling me to is not what I want to do -- i want to be meeting students - on the front line, but that's not where i'm being led. i need to step back - equip, it's a bit of a change for me - even more so than the previous years. but i'm seeing God move greatly.

church - i hurt - that's all i can say - the building looks nice but the contents are broken - until sins are exposed - reconcilation/repentence takes place we will never move on - we will sit and sour and have to be tossed out into the trash.

school - that's my bright spot! - i'm learning so much that i'm realizing how much i don't know and how much i love God. at times i don't feel as smart as the others in the class - i don't over anylasis the topics being discussed - i just share my heart - i wonder what dr. payne thinks. - i hope to meet this man this summer when i go down for j-term (summer session) it's still hard to believe i'm really a seminary student - but it's refreshing. God is using this "class" time to remind me of His love for me and that He's got me and is not letting me go - and truth be told - i'm becoming ever increasingly bold to share the "goodnews" -- that's something i've struggled with - the boldness to proclaim -- not because of fear or anything we would think - but basically just because of my own laziness. God is really opening my eyes to the hearts of the lost and i'm crying out more.

my life -- this whole "man" thing is frustrating - how can you come back into my life to just stay away? how are we going to get to know each other again - the correct way if we avoid the issue. yes, we know there's a connection - but avoiding it will not make it go away - seriously it will most likely lead to a fall and slip thing - i just want you to see what i see - why are you one day seeking and the next stand offish -- just submit - surrender - give it up - your plans, your desires. maybe it's not to be what we want - maybe i'm just dreaming -- but i can't see myself with anyone else - no matter how much i've tried - how many i've pursued - it still comes back to you - maybe lila is right - how long? how long will it take? - i have written you letters - but ever seems right to finish them - and would you really listen or get them? - we need to clear the air.

okay now that i've rambled - i need to get back to work - need to be productive.

francie

tired but worth it!

man, a year of planning and a week of craziness - and it's over. this past weekend was for me one of the most tiring yet Holy Spirit led weekends i've had in a while.

being on the one voice music festival committee has been - at times - hell! to the point where i've thought about stepping down - but in my duty mentality - i couldn't just walk out of a responsiblity - so, i hung in there to the end. and i'm glad i did! with jeremy and debbie as my co-leaders - this has been a true team effort. i thought about it on the way home friday night - we all shared in the work-load. no one of us had more to do than the other -- it was freeing to be collabroting with them - sharing in the joy, frustations, and anger. and because of each one of our humility - God moved greatly!! God used us to provide an envirnoment for Him to heal, transform, convict, refresh - and just call us to come thirsty to Him!

we had more cancellations this year than any other time - but we didn't panic - God led us and showed us His direction - mj stepping in to talk about the true meaning of worship - not only is he a talented rapper and dj but he's a pastor! all4souls ministering through rapp which was relevant and understandable - and may i add cool beats! ben deem and his band ushering into the throne room of God and allowing us to come with them - loosed to praise - i'm not sure what else to say - but WOW! -- throught their dancing and theme interpts. they challenged us to see God through the pain and hurt and then there was dave luskco -- that boy is annointed to worship through song! he was the missing link in our planning -- he called the church together through his emceeing, playing, speaking - it was annointed.

not only was i helping to make it run smoothy - but i was ministered to all weekend! and to have my mom there hearing the gospel through song, preaching, and just experiencing the body of Christ loving on her/exending a hand of assistance - that left a mark - she is changed - she didn't make a profession - but she's closer than she was!

all in all - i'm tired - but it was worth it! Thank you God for giving me the honor and pleasure to serve you through One Voice -- I did experience a deeper thrist for you - i hunger for your abudent life!

francie

time to exhale

it's over. . .and it didn't kill me! as i drove home from my night of conflict resolution, i began to breath deeper - just taking the time to inhale and let it all out slowly - the whole week was exhaling with each breath. and with each breath came rejoicing and praise!

this entire situation has caused me to run . . . run to my Father for direction and help. i can't do this alone. i'm not that talented. i need your help abba! and you heard my cry from heaven and you came!

although i think we have many miles to travel before we arrive. . . i could sense willingness to try. i could sense the start of humility. years of hurt, pain, walls, defenses will not come down in one 3 hours meeting - but i see hope! and you are the Hope of Salvation - the Hope of Glory! I see You standing in the middle of the this dysfunction bringing peace/clearity/humility/surrender/unity/and love!

and ya know, i'm not that horriable of a leader - hope that doesn't sound prideful. . . but all day i kept telling myself i wasn't the person to lead this - to iginate this conversation. how could i. . . i'm the worst at communication and conflict resolution? how dare i . . . after all. . . i've hurt people just like that - i suck too, i'm all messed up? i was really doubting God - and His abilities in me -- maybe i'm not cut out to be a director of a team - maybe i'm better off handing this over to someone else - those where the thought plaguing me.

but -- what a testimony to God's faithfullness - when I can't -- He can! actually - i never should - He always should be in charge! i went into last night having little prep time - due to my day job stuff but also my own pracrastination -- i was fearful of tackling this too hard or too much w/o grace and love that i avoided it all day - but with one hour before, i spent time seeking Him -- I gave up my rights and my agenda - and Wow!! He led the night.

the moral to the story is. . . "perfect love casts out all fear" - May God add a blessing to His Word!

francie