fear vs. faith

man, as much as i love getting together with the entire pa campus min. staff, it's sometimes overwhelming. overwhelming in the sense of i feel the whole weekend is too much sitting, listening, and eating. as i look back at our previous director retreats, this one just seemed to lack something -- realness. last year we spent time going to the throne room, not just in music but in mediation, prayer -- i think of the prayer experience scott welliver had us go through with the post-note cross. and then three years ago when our entire retreat almost was a discussion on the dan kimbal book. this year just seemed entirely business -- which is okay but i would loved to spend time just hearing from my other director friends -- not discussing the latest thinkings on issues - but just how they were doing - both personally and ministrially. but this just challenges me to seek this out on my own -- to stay in contact more.

but something that i've had in my face all week and weekend is the issue of fear but how this is in contrast to my faith. how can i be fearful yet walk in faith? -- i can't - cuz then is comes down to who am i trusting? - the answer: ME

i know what my father tells about fear - to don't be afraid but be strong and couragious, that i was not given a heart of fear - too often i throw around both joshua 1 and 1st tim. but how much do i really heart believe/trust/heed my Savior?

but is fear all bad? - do i throw these passages around because i have some sort of understanding that it is bad for a Christian to fear?

not sure the answer - but i know that fear can be a good thing - let me explain -- if i don't fear fire or have a healthy understanding of fire than i can either get burned, burn something down, or worse fatally be harmed or harm another - my fear brings a healthy respect

isn't that the same with those seemly abstract fears of life -- good fear can gives us a healthy respect for and submission to our Lord. but generally we don't go that route -- for me, my fear controls me, my fear paralysis me, my fear, at times causes me to hold the reigns of my life and hold them tighly rather than putting my trust/hope in God - thus, my heart becomes downcast and i see no hope.

but what would happen if my fears i gave to God and allowed him - no i pleaded with Him, to teach me His ways, to allow Him to guard my heart and mind in and through His son; Christ Jesus? well. . . i suspect would happen would my terror raising fear but become respect and trust towards my Deliever. what i suspect is my perspective would change due to seeing God's power revealed. what i suspect is my thought process would be calm and peaceful because my heart and mind is under the control of the One who commands the seas to be at rest. and i suspect i would take risks cuz i would, beyond a shadow of a doubt, know, that i know, that i know, that only the Lord is God.

thus, my fear would not be in conflict with my faith -- my faith would consume of fear and give me a new outlook and defination for fear.

just my thoughts as i think about fears and expecations.