time to exhale

it's over. . .and it didn't kill me! as i drove home from my night of conflict resolution, i began to breath deeper - just taking the time to inhale and let it all out slowly - the whole week was exhaling with each breath. and with each breath came rejoicing and praise!

this entire situation has caused me to run . . . run to my Father for direction and help. i can't do this alone. i'm not that talented. i need your help abba! and you heard my cry from heaven and you came!

although i think we have many miles to travel before we arrive. . . i could sense willingness to try. i could sense the start of humility. years of hurt, pain, walls, defenses will not come down in one 3 hours meeting - but i see hope! and you are the Hope of Salvation - the Hope of Glory! I see You standing in the middle of the this dysfunction bringing peace/clearity/humility/surrender/unity/and love!

and ya know, i'm not that horriable of a leader - hope that doesn't sound prideful. . . but all day i kept telling myself i wasn't the person to lead this - to iginate this conversation. how could i. . . i'm the worst at communication and conflict resolution? how dare i . . . after all. . . i've hurt people just like that - i suck too, i'm all messed up? i was really doubting God - and His abilities in me -- maybe i'm not cut out to be a director of a team - maybe i'm better off handing this over to someone else - those where the thought plaguing me.

but -- what a testimony to God's faithfullness - when I can't -- He can! actually - i never should - He always should be in charge! i went into last night having little prep time - due to my day job stuff but also my own pracrastination -- i was fearful of tackling this too hard or too much w/o grace and love that i avoided it all day - but with one hour before, i spent time seeking Him -- I gave up my rights and my agenda - and Wow!! He led the night.

the moral to the story is. . . "perfect love casts out all fear" - May God add a blessing to His Word!

francie