things never go the way you planned

so tonight i pulled up to my favoriate dounut shop ready to play with dounuts. even though i have been away for a day, the smell still bowls me over. i walk in and the assistant manager, steve tells me he's really glad to see me -- apparently it's been a day already for them - the 3rd shift guy's sister died so there's no overnight shift - so. . . all his work needs to fall on us and the store will close - interesting -- so - we were all running around trying to get "caught up" - me in the back staging and all of a sudden steve comes back and says "we have a problem" - he's looking for tools - not a good thing i tell ya - this was about 7pm

well . . . the point to this ramble is . . . the fryer is fried! -- all dounut production stopped -- not a good thing for a store that is responsible for two other store's dounuts - but i was able to fill those orders - but that left our store short.

the poor general manager, jerry, steve, and the district guy, eric - are all pouring over the fryer trying to figure out how to fix it. all jerry can say is "i don't have time for this" what started out to be an easy day has turned out to be a disaster of great magnatitude. without the fryer no - i repeat - NO dounuts can be made - and the way life at the "kreme" works is every shift relies on the next to do their part inorder for the whole thing to work -- i've been there going on 4 months now and the biggest thing i've noticed is how hard the managers all work - they give themselves totally to the "job" - jerry, steve, bryan, diane, marci - they all work long hours - helping out all over the place -- and i now it's not the money -- they all believe in the team -- the whole store doing well - even eric when he's in works retail, processing, you name it.

well . . . that's my thoughts about my life right now -- i don't have time for the drama. it seems i've not had one calm week since the semester started and it's not going to calm down now. i can really learn alot about leadership from watching the managers at the "kreme" - they teach me alot about being flexable and doing the best you can with what you have product wise and staff wise to work with -- take for example -- what i do -- i don't really work hard -- when i work with steve - i usually box the glazed off the line - these are the dounuts that go to stores -- i generally do the staging -- preparing the routes for the drivers to take the dounut orders to stores - and i do processing - putting the filling in dounuts, putting chocolate/sprinkles on the glazed dounuts and so on. -- early on with steve working with me - he realized i'm quick and i'm able to work independently and get the work done well - and it helps i can read and understand teh production sheets - the sheets that tell us how many of each kind of dounuts gets boxed and which routes they go on and so on - so, instead of doing retail he has me do what he sees i'm good at and i fill in wherever needed.

that's a teachable moment -- i need to be more flexable - use what and who i've got and not try to fit folks into my model. i just wish it wasn't so stressful - i wish i could enjoy this experience more - i'm always feeling like i'm not providing enough guidence/training/ or giving enough of me and my time to those i'm leading -- i feel like i'm bearly keeping my head above water - and that's now -- what's next? i feel like i'm surely going to sink -- something will need to come off of my plate -- i can't give me best if i'm drowning from stress, busyness, overworkedness, and being tired -- i fill now i'm not available enough - what then? -- i will never be on campus staying connected - i will be conducting meetings and doing admin. all the time

but if one thing has been made clear to me over the course of a year - is now my limits - and i am - i have - my good freind debbie reminds me all the time that i'm not super woman - she's right -- something must and will need to give - even by giving up the "kreme" something else will have to go -- i will not be honoring God with my busyness - i will be doing the work of ministry but not being.

i guess my thoughts now must be - what's next? - what's got to go - what am i really being called to? maybe this ride has come to it's end -- maybe my time is over. why is being an adult so hard? oh, i long for the days when my greatest worry was what i was going to do after school during these short fall days.

but one thing is certain -- for i know that my redeemer lives!