what now?

okay my head feels 100 x's bigger than my body, my eyes hurt, i have too much flemage in my thought, i didn't get to sleep in today, had to work after all, and now. . . now. . . plans are caving in - what the crap?!

nothing like waiting to the last momement to pull the plug guys! -- i can't be angry with personal family drama - but a few days ago when i called to confirm - it would have been nice to be told what was up.

now i'm left to go back to the drawing board - but this time, i have no time - i have no energy - i have no "plan b."

i feel so helpless and frankly - i'm pissed! - actually pissed isn't the word - but to save myself from being thought differently by others - i'll keep those words in my mouth.

so - what's next?

the song that dave hunt covered on his "shattered" cd is running through my head:

"when hope is lost, i'll call you Savior
when pain surrounds, i'll call you healer
when silence falls, you'll be the song within my heart"

"i will praise you, i praise you,
though the tears fall still i will sing to you
i will praise you, jesus praise you
through the suffering still i will sing"

Father help this be the song of my heart today -- i feel so out of control, yet i know you are in control -- help me to trust you, help me to hold on to you, but most of all help me to praise you despite what i see with my eyes - may my heart see and sing louder than my voice!