where have i been?

when i started this blog, i vowed to not be one of those people that post like once every month or so - but saddly i must eat my word.

so - where have i been? running around but not really accomplishing anything - bearly keeping my head above water - but praise be to my God who has pushed back the waters to keep me from drawning.

the mission - no focus - too much happening - open house, finalizing summer stuff, thanksgiving hell time, christmas stuff -- i hate this time of year -- i don't feel like i get to enjoy God at the mission during this period -- i feel like i'm in such a rush to get donations of all kinds that i miss the reason i'm here.

campus - stressful - but leveling out -- just like last year -- it seems the things God is calling me to is not what I want to do -- i want to be meeting students - on the front line, but that's not where i'm being led. i need to step back - equip, it's a bit of a change for me - even more so than the previous years. but i'm seeing God move greatly.

church - i hurt - that's all i can say - the building looks nice but the contents are broken - until sins are exposed - reconcilation/repentence takes place we will never move on - we will sit and sour and have to be tossed out into the trash.

school - that's my bright spot! - i'm learning so much that i'm realizing how much i don't know and how much i love God. at times i don't feel as smart as the others in the class - i don't over anylasis the topics being discussed - i just share my heart - i wonder what dr. payne thinks. - i hope to meet this man this summer when i go down for j-term (summer session) it's still hard to believe i'm really a seminary student - but it's refreshing. God is using this "class" time to remind me of His love for me and that He's got me and is not letting me go - and truth be told - i'm becoming ever increasingly bold to share the "goodnews" -- that's something i've struggled with - the boldness to proclaim -- not because of fear or anything we would think - but basically just because of my own laziness. God is really opening my eyes to the hearts of the lost and i'm crying out more.

my life -- this whole "man" thing is frustrating - how can you come back into my life to just stay away? how are we going to get to know each other again - the correct way if we avoid the issue. yes, we know there's a connection - but avoiding it will not make it go away - seriously it will most likely lead to a fall and slip thing - i just want you to see what i see - why are you one day seeking and the next stand offish -- just submit - surrender - give it up - your plans, your desires. maybe it's not to be what we want - maybe i'm just dreaming -- but i can't see myself with anyone else - no matter how much i've tried - how many i've pursued - it still comes back to you - maybe lila is right - how long? how long will it take? - i have written you letters - but ever seems right to finish them - and would you really listen or get them? - we need to clear the air.

okay now that i've rambled - i need to get back to work - need to be productive.

francie