why is it that one conversation/one event/one person in another's life can cause and epution of emotions which leads to confusion?

that's where i'm at right now.

the baptisms were refreshing -- beaver had the pleasure of seeing all generations coming into the family yesterday -- a child, a middle-aged man, and even a senior lady. pastor preached with such passion and emotion -- his challenges were trully holy spirit inspired. he shared may this day be the fresh-start in all of our lives. he went on to share that it's God who causes us to dye to self and gives new life. may God's healing winds and rain flow freely in our body.

yesterday was a day of many emotions - from saddness to joy - to down right confusion. confusion not because of decisions i need to make - but from old and new memories of persons once in my life. memories of those i've worshipped with, memories of those i shared life with, and memories of those i loved once.

why is it that once the proverable can of worms is opened you can't close it or deny it was opened. so now i must deal with thoughts, feelings, memories. i'm not ready to throw caution to the wind - i will not do that again - i can't afford it personally or spiritually. but i can't ignore what's right in front of my face -- so what's one to do?

the only thing i know - pray, talk, seek Him.

although i hadn't planned on making the call - i'm glad i did. i now know what's up. lila is right - that twinkle is there - she totally blow me out of the water with her comment - so how can i ignore it? this lady i love, i admire, i trust - she's really discerning - what did she see even then that i'm not? is it worth it?

i'll admit - when i found out the path that was taken, i was a bit jelious - i wanted it to be me - it should have been me. but is it now me? the truth is, after all this time there's something left - it can't be denied - but what is it? is it worth it?, is it right?, is it from Him? i will not settle, nor do i want any thing less than best - His best. i will not go back - but should it go foward?

i've stated my case - i've shared my stance - what's next?

if this is trully God's road and path - it's going to be a long, long road. i remember what once was - and i smile! - for the right reasons - i remember what caused the trip to begin. there have been stops, side roads, and even exits - can this car find the entrance ramp?

only God will tell.

in the mean time - i fix my eyes on the author and perfector of my faith!

francie