things i've realized today

so i learned something about myself today. . . i'm not all that bad. . .

i've been "saling myself short" on a few areas - mostly on my abitlites to handle the current drama in my campus min. life -- i have felt like a the worst director in the world in the since that i am going along with things so to speak and i'm asking what seems to be conflicting questions - but a wise person told me today that he's proud of me - not that i try to please anyone but my God - however, from him this ment alot - he has seen me grow in my leadership both in spiritual maturity and emotional as well - i was just a kid when i started out on this journey - but now - i'm an old fart and he trusted God to take a chance on me - and for that i'm greatful.

i realized today that yes, i am being objective - yes, i am doing what is right and i'm being fair. i realized today my own growth -- i'm not the same as i was a month ago or a year ago for that i'm humbled and stand in awe that the creator of the heavens and earth would see fit to transform me - to round out my edges - to Him belongs all praise and glory!

i realized today just why some things are as hard as they are -- the role i see myself in is more than a supervisor - i guess i just care too much sometimes - i guess that's one of my strengths yet most of the time it's a weakness - my caring too much usually leads to me trying to control - or what comes across as opposition when really it's just trying to assist the person avoid pain and hurt - but i know in my mind i can't stop either of those - but what i can do is be a listening ear - a shoulder to cry on - maybe that's what's needed more than anything - people need to know i love them before i can speak into lives with correction.

i realized today just how tired i am -- i've never wimpered and cried like i did today -- boy i was an only child -- i just need my mom - i just need to go home - but home isn't there anymore - i need to thoughts of what was and not what is - i need to just crawl up beside my mommy and lay on her and allow her to tell me everything is going to be alright

i realized today how much kevin trusts me and realizes how capable i am at doing my job -- i've never been in a meeting with him in this manner - it was good but weird - i enjoyed just hanging with him and hearing more of his heart for what we do at the mission -- sometimes i don't see that - sometimes all i see is the tornado of kevin and not the heart - that was refreshing

but mostly - of all the things i realized today - i realized just how much my Father loves me today -- he opened up His arms and loved me in many, many ways - He never ceases to amaze me.